E….

E is for Extra today lovelies.

There are some extras we all want. Extra cheese with your nachos at the movies. Extra follicles for your IVF (but not too many for your IUI) Extra time to do…well, watch tv is my favorite. LOL.

What my husband and I did today was try to figure out how to get extra money. We met with a financial advisor today, and it went really well. We are pretty frugal (ie CHEAP AS HELL), and try to manage our money. Our biggest vice is eating out and traveling. Eating out WHILE traveling is even better.

We recently met with our CPA to go over taxes, etc. etc. He recommended a lawyer for wills , trusts and annuities (um, the last two I forgot to ask about). He also recommended a financial advisor- investment guy.  The guy I found is awesome.

He does this think called Envision. You figure out your acceptable and ideal goals for retirement. It consantly evaluates your assests, etc. to see where you fall. VERY simple explanation, but we like the idea.  We didn’t realize there is so much to plan for (caring for our parents one of them).

We also didn’t realize how /where to put our money to help protect it for our kids. (529 anyone?)

It was pretty funny when he was asking about our assets. um. Old ass Jeep, and Well Worn Honda. A house. A diamond ring(he didn’t consider that really an assest, but it is the most expensive thing to me!!!). That was about it.

Same questions “Any valuable artwork?” Nope- unless you count the water color I got for 10 pounds in London?

“Any valuable coins?” I have 6 of the state quarters. All used. Does that count?

“Any antique furniture?” Well, I have a sofa I bought for 200$ 10 years ago. oh..that isn’t antique?

Well, then NO.I don’t have jack shit, and we are boring people!

“Lets talk about your goals. Retirement? How do you want to live?” uh, with food on the table and a roof over my head at the least? Most- travel to see my family.

HA HA. WE are boring ass people. Also, apparently we dont’ even know WHO the fucking Joneses are to try and keep up with them.

THEN we went and watched Saw 3D and I feel like negated any kind of feelings of being grown up that the meeting with the financial adviser gave me.

That was one sick as shit movie. I like the story line (ha ha ha) of the Saw movies, but gah. I had my eyes closed or looking at my lap during most of it.

I also don’t think the series is over. There will be more. Maybe 10 years from now- but there will be more.

Be afraid…be verrrrry afraid. LOL

V…

V is for VOMIT. Which is what I want to do. My head is killing me, and I was FORCED to go to a party with my husband. Had to go and make an appearnce lest we irritate people he works with.

Not up my alley- loud people, drunks, music, smoke machine. Blah.

After it was over we came over to a friends house to chill. Much more my kind of fun.

The entire time we were at the party I wanted to puke. My head was hurting so back, I just wanted to vomit. All the fake people and their snobby attitudes made me want to vomit. Must go and finish watching movie.

N….

N today my lovies is for NEEDLES!

I have been suffering majorly with headaches during this 2ww. They suck ass. Beyond sucking ass. All I can say is that if this is what HCG does to me, it is going to be a tough first few months of pregnancy when it happens. YIKES.

I  booked an acupunture session today. The dr I went to has been treating my friend for a long time, and I have another friend that works there. So, I trust him (as much as I trust anyone that wants to yank my head off of my body. LOL). I don’t particularly like Chiropractors, but I respect what they do. Perhaps it is b/c I don’t understand it totally, I dunno. All I know is my body is jacked up, and I need help.

He first did the most detailed history I think I have ever gotten. I think we spent at least 45 mintues talking about all my symptoms…and how weird they are. LOL. “you are going to be a challenge”. Awesome, I love a challenge- NOT.

He did an assessment of my body alignment, and had me lay down flat and striaght. Appearently I am as crooked as they come. Not only that I have one hip tilted forward and one tilted back. Awesome. I like being weird.  He explained how the stress of it causes certians muscluo-skelatal pains, all the way up to neck. He said “you probably have a lot of tenderness *here* (as he pokes a place on my neck)”  I almost jumped off the table. Felt like a hot poker.

Check

Then he started prattling off specific pain I more than likely have b/c of the way my body is. He was right on every count.

Okay, so I will be open to some chiropractical stuff now. He was pretty spot on- I refuse to the neck adjusting though. He uses the hole puncher thing only.

Okay, then come along to the acupuncture. He started in the head and ears- one on the top of the head, some around the base of my skull and several in each ear. It felt something akin to pulling out a single hair. Didn’t really hurt, but obviously wasn’t pleasurable. It is all good with me b/c I don’t have any kind of phobia about needles. In fact I watch as the stick a 14 gauge in for blood donations. I watch IV starts. I am able to detach and watch with my clinical mind.

He said that any feeling of relaxation is good, we build from that, etc. etc.

I didn’t get a warm fuzzy feeling, but I tried to ‘clear my mind’ (ha ha ha) by trying to visualize my blood going through my heart into my lungs and then back through the heart and out again. I would follow it to different organs, and try. Forsome reason this helps me. I was able to relax definitely.

 

The awesome part was I paid, left. Stopped somewhere, went home….looked in the mirror and I basicaly had a right ear full of blood. LOL. The on write on the outside bleed. LOL. I am not surprised b/c I bleed like a stuck pig anyways.  It was just funny b/c I wonder what the heck the checkout clerk at the store was thinking…and WHY did she say anything? HA HA.

“excuse me ma’am…I think you are bleeding out of your ear? Are you possessed or have a widely communicable disease like ebola? Mkay, just checking”

 

 

S…..

S is for Support.

Today I was supposed to have the support group. There was no one there again.

I have gone to the local RE (who was chilly b/c I am not getting treatment there, and was still trying to get me too)

I have talked to the ob/gyn groups, but they won’t ever pinpoint a day for me to come in. I left flyers at the pharmacy builletin boards.

I GIVE UP. I know I shouldn’t. I know I should keep trying- but I don’t feel it anymore.

K

K is for KICKED IN THE ASS…which is exactly what happened to my Steelers yesterday…and is what is currently happening to the Washington Redskins as we speak. There is almost 60 points scored- it is just embarassing. Ugh.

There have been quite a few crappy Monday Night Football games this year- or is it just me?

I am a huge Steelers fan (as I have said before- is there any other type?), because my hubby is one. I learned really quick in our relationship that it was either learn it, enjoy it, have fun- or lose my hubby for 5 or so months out of the year…..or just break up. Neither appealed to me, so I learned it. It didn’t hurt that the first year we were dating was when the Steelers won Superbowl XL in a true story book fashion. Got into the playoff as a wild card. Bettis’ last year, and the Super Bowl held in his home town.

Sigh. As a Cubs fan, I was NOT used to winning! I loved it ,and I was hooked. Once I understood a lot of the basics of football, it was better. Those guys do so much more than just run around on the field and push each other around. It is a complex, and highly planned game. The sheer number of plays, code words, routes, etc. They have to learn astounds me. Do I think they deserve more money in a season than my husband will ever see in his lifetime? Probably not- but I tune Sundays, Monday, and Thursdays starting in November.

I love it.

Even when we get KICKED in the ass.

I know there are some of you that are rolling your eyes. I felt the same way- I used to hate football. I think it helps now that I understand it, and have a vested (albiet emotional) interest in it.

Anyhoodle. There is my K. I was KINDA reaching for that one.

 

PS. I feel fine- other that *TMI* being insanely constipated. I have eaten about 6 prunes today with no result. I am frightened they are going to KICK in at 2am. HA HA. Just as long as I don’t crap my pants. You ladies that  trigger and IUI what day do you count as your ovulation? The day of the IUI? Am I 1dpo? I just don’t know. It is so confusing. LOL.

O….Operation Impregnation-Second Wave

Today is brought to by the Letter O. In particular Operation Impregnation #2 happened today at around 1135am. It was a different Fellow on call that performed it. She wasn’t as put together as the first one- but whatever. She didn’t have nurses there to do it, and apparently there were a lot of IUIs today.  On the weekends we have to sign in at the security desk.  I know you are not supposed to look at the names etc…so I just looked at the destination. There were four people before us, then when we left 4 more had signed in. I never saw them- so who knows where they were put. I thought I heard some voices, but I dunno.

The procedure went well, I had a little discomfort with the speculum, but over all it was okay. The hubs just held my hand- didn’t do any cervix scoping this time. He was super sweet.  I didn’t really have any cramping afterwards like I did before. That given- we left right after the procedure to drive home. We drove up there separately, so I stopped by a new used book store in town. OMG. It has only been open a few weeks, but HOLY COW! The building used to be a Goody’s store- and the whole thing is ridiculously full of books. INSANE! I got 4 audiobooks for 35 bucks. I love to listen to audiobooks while I drive b/c the ride gets booooooring listening to just music.

Anyhoo- we drove home, went and changed and headed to our local favorite bar to watch the Steelers lose fabulously. Ugh. What a sucky game tonight. Hopefully we will make it to the Playoffs so I can go to another game.

Anyhoodle- here I am gassy as all get out. I dunno what is going on, but I am crazy uncomfortable and passing gas like crazy. I might just blow out the troopers. LOL.

Night all.

I….

Today my lovelies…I is for INTRAUTERINE INSEMINATION aka IUI.

That would be what I am doing tomorrow. It is crazy how anticlimactic it is this time. I just ‘meh’ about it. I hate even saying that- but honestly. I am already frustrated at this whole process.  I think b/c last month I really entertained the idea that it would happen, and thought it would. Then we had the BFN, and now it has turned out to the same old same old. I feel like it just another ‘thing’ to do.

I am trying to stay positive about it, but I can’t get my head around it. We went out with a friend of ours to eat some Thai food- I ate some sushi..albiet shrimp tempura rolls (does that count?) Then we went to our favorite resturant in town and hung out with all our friends from this city. I drank some beer, and I didn’t have that “this is going to be my last beer” feeling.

I must get out of this funk. I think I am trying to build a cocoon around myself b/c I don’t want to feel that pain of the BFN again.

 

So my ladies and gents- today is for IUI…but it is for TOMORROW.

Wish us luck getting knocked up at 11am CST. LOL

Protected: P…PWP secret style

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Q…

Today that is going to be for QUICKIE.

That is what this blog post is. LOL. I am barely squeeking this one in at the last minute- but I wanted to get it in.

Today my mood has been the opposite of quick. Slow- blah. I am extremely bloated, and have put on about 5 pounds in the last week alone. I don’t know where it is coming from, but I am miserable. I am right at the weight that now I am uncomfortable all the time. Ugh. I have been walking on the treadmill- but I guess I need to get QUICKER on it. I need to QUELL the need to keep up with twitter, blogs, facebook (although that is going to the wayside lately anyways), etc.

I need to QUENCH my hunger with…uh, well I guess a tennis ball taped in my mouth. LOL. I think part of this is getting off of my happy pills- I just slow down when I am off of them. Sigh.

Today turned QUICK pretty, well, fast. (LOL) I have a friend whose Grandmother in-law had to have emergency surgery today. I had to go get her dog from her work, and I currently am dogsitting until  tomorrow. This sweet thing is so freakin’ cute!  It has been interesting to say the least. I went over to another friends house to go grab some dinner and play some games- it was so funny to see this dog and the other one fighting over toys. They only wanted it when the one had it. LOL. I figure that is much like toddlers.

Appearently he is used to sleeping in the bed…but Kingman nixed that idea. I have him a little nest on the couch and he is snoozing (the dog, not my husband).

I need to follow behind. I am tired. Gotta finish up around the house here tomorrow b/c I go up to BAU for my ultrasound Thursday.

yipppe. Here goes another 80+ bucks into my deduction. HA HA HA

R…

Today R is for RECEIPTS!

I am trying to get all my tax stuff together because as soon as it is ready to send in, I am sending it in. I want to know if we are close to meeting our deduction for the year,and if not we want to put more in our Keogh plan or donate to charity. EVERY LITTLE bit helps.

I have been keeping all receipts b/c I am habitually a procrastinator. I enter all of them into my handy dandy NEAT RECEIPTS thing, since you need to keep all your records for 7 years. Anyone that has kept these new thermal receipts knows that they barely last a few months- much less years. The IRS accepts receipts scanned into this system now. YAY!

So here I am seperating out the recipts, while battling the BAU over our money from Kingman’s surgery (that is a whole post in itself).

I have a spreadsheet made out with the dates, and mileage for the each of the trips up there. Luckily for me, a lot of our appointments I planned around other stuff- when we would be going up to visit friends and family (uh, baby showers).

Anyhoodle. It is roughly 502 miles round trip for each appointment. Kingman’s surgery and postop appointments. etc. etc. etc. So 502 x 16.4 cents is WHAT?!?! $82.33 PER TRIP? No way. I have kept gas, food and hotel receipts. I don’t know if that will make a difference- I think it is more than 82.33 we spent each time. LOL I am going to have to talk to my CPA about this b/c we have been up there 5 times this year so far. That is $411.64  just for medical travel deductions? LOL.

I don’t know if it will make a difference, but we also have the DS that we bought, and all that crrrrrrap (again with the scottish brogue).

I am drowning in receipts.

I can’t wait for the football game tonight so I can blow off some steam!!!!!

D….

D is for DONE.

I am done with my femara for this cycle. I don’t know if it is b/c I had other stuff going on, and I have been sick that I haven’t over analyzed everything going on in my body or what. I can tell you this- I think the only side effect I have from the Femara is Migraines. Oh my sweet Jesus the migraines I have been getting.

Friday was insane. I felt kinda yukky all day,but by three p.m. I was DONE for the day. I couldn’t even stand up straight. I couldn’t bear to wear my glasses b/c they hurt so bad. I couldn’t go to sleep b/c the pain was unbearable. I took all I could take. Ibuprofen, maxalt, coffee, and aspirin, hot bath, cold ice pack, decongestants. Dark quiet room. it was horrible. The Second worst one I have ever had. The first was one that resulted in an ER visit b/c I couldn’t see, and wouldn’t stop vomiting.  Ugh.

Anyhoo. Last night I over indulged with some wine- stoooooooopid. I put a fork in me for today- the did me in for today. WTF was I thinking? Well, we had a lot of fun playing Wii Party, and drinking. I made my trademark Curried Pumpkin soup, Fine’s Herbs and wheat germ rolls, chicken, and veggies…and pumpkin bread for dessert. mmmmm…..I rocked. I know it. (I am humble too)

Anyhoo- today, I popped open my baby bottle (ha ha-get it? Femara?) and realized they were my last two pills to take (yup, THIS cycle I took them at the same time> LOL) and realized I have been not paying attention to my body. I wish this would happen during my 2ww.

So I am done until trigger shot. I leave Wednesday to drive up for my appointment at the BAU(Big Ass University) for the Ultrasound on Thursday.

uh, I don’t think I posted for yesterday. DOH. Imma have to chck on that…..

F….

F is for Friends.

I am blessed to have so many friends. When we are younger, it seems so much easier to find likeminded people to be friends with. I think that is b/c we are still coming into our own “grown up self”. We are still being molding into who we are. We are influenced by the friends we make- good or bad. Sometimes being friends with someone that hurts you turns you into a better person. You learn how NOT to treat people.

I am one of the type of person that makes friends pretty easy- but the fostering of those friendships can be difficult. I guess I am n0t the kind of person that wants to sit around and bullshit for hours with someone that irritates me for whatever reason. I have had people want to hang out with me b/c they think I am certain way b/c of who I am married to. I am not materialistic, and I am a simple person. I shop clearance and clip coupons. I put the max into my IRA, and I watch my accounts religiously. I don’t live for the next designer shoe sale.

Um, tangent much?

Where was I? Oh, yeah friends.   I have made a few really good friends here. I am fine with that- b/c the friends I have made in my three years in this town, I KNOW I will stay friends with forever. I think that is the difference when you get older(which can be relative), the close friends you make are ones you will keep forever.

Now there is the element of internet friends. I must be the luckiest girl in the world b/c I have met the best set of friends over the interwebs.

I may be physically alone at times, but I am never EVER truely alone. There seems to always be someone on the other end of the twitter feed, or commenting on my blog.

Thank you all so much.

I love you ALL!

 

Oh, F is also for FIRE. Being that it got down to a chilly chilly 40 something last night it was offically winter weather down here. We had a friend bring some firewood last night (um, did anyone else that a CORD of wood is a lot of damn wood?). We have had a fire going, and it is wonderful. Even if yesterday I had to turn OFF the heat pump b/c the AC kept turning on. LOL.

My husband is happy, and therefore I am happy.

Have a happy night!

 

M is for….

MIGRAINE

Which I have.

I also have a mother fecking cold that is making it’s home in my chest. I can’t breathe, can’t blink, and had to run errands today. Now I just want to curl up and go to sleep.

It is a bad day for me today. MMMBLAH.

C is for…..

Cancer.

I hate cancer. Even the word sounds ugly. I lost my Aunt this year to uterine cancer. She was the matriarch of our family- like my grandmother more than an Aunt really. I just found out her daughter (my cousin, yet she is in her mid 40s) has liver cancer. I am so extremely sad. I love my cousin, and in so many ways she was like my sister (she is near my sisters age actually)

It is so fucking unfair. I just don’t really feel like blogging anymore right now.

B is for…..

B is for BEAR…Build-a-Bear.
The night before the last cycle (dIUI#1) Kingman and I stopped at Build-a-Bear workshop to make a bear for our baby. (guess we will go back and get a second if we have twins) My husband is from an area that is known for black bears, and when we saw this one he had a bond. He doesn’t really decide on things- is more a”whatever you like/want honey” kind of person. I guess for a lot of women that would be AWESOME, but I like to have participation. I have learned to live with it…but when he hones in on something I love it. I have to go with it.

Even a black bear.   It was super cute dressed up as Darth Vader also. The hubs didn’t want any clothes, but he did kiss the heart before we put it in our little Gordon.

Without further adieu.

Our Baby Black Bear- full of wishes.

A…

So here I am sitting here trying to figure out what to post. I don’t do well with deadlines, and such.  I need inspiration, so I am going to go with  Suzy’s idea and post this month with an alphabet theme. I love Suzy’s idea about Alphabet soup. All the letters in the month…but possibly out of order. I am going to TRY and stay in order..but if I get to stumped I tend to give up. We don’t want this do we?

To without further ADIU…I will start with my letter A

A today is Anonymity.

When I first started this blog I wanted to stay completely anonymous. I wanted no one IRL to know anything about my rantings and general craziness that came about b/c of IF. I felt disloyal to my husband with my rants, and it was easy to get stuff off my chest knowing that I was anonymous.

Sloooooowly this is going out the window. I have shared my blog with close friends- friends I know understand…and that know everything that is going into the blog anyways. Well, most of it- given that most all of my besties live so far away. Plus something just sound stupid when spoken…but I still need to get them out.
PLUS- this is my space. They don’t have to read it, and they can take it in bits and pieces.
The Anonynimity has also eeked out some when I recently posted on some IRL friend’s blogs under THIS blog. DOH. One less shield.
I am okay with it. I really am….I want to come out of the IF closet- but it is hard.

I have shared my name and address with a few bloggers, and I am okay with that. I am actually MORE than okay with that. I have found that blogging connects you in such a wonderful way. Each comment is like a hug, and a validation of your feelings.
I have started Twittering with my BumpyJourney persona- and I was extremely worried about that…but I have found it is just an extension of blogging to me. I like it over facebook, but I can’t SAY that on FB b/c then my IRL people would want to find me. I want my Twitter to stay pseudo-anonymous.

I am not ready to come out of the closet totally, but I think I am making steps.

Recently my town had a Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk, and there were over 10,000 people present for the walk. The paper also said that 1 in 8 women will fight breast cancer. I think most of us know where I am going with this….Resolve estimated that 1 in 8 couples experience infertility. Can you imagine if we all wore our Pomegranate color and rocked a walk.
Yeah right….I can’t even get people to come to an ANONYMOUS support group.

The anonymity is security for IFers methinks.