Ding Dang…DAMMIT.

Okay, this is going to be a work in progress- will be LONG ONE. I am drinking a glass of wine, despite what I read about on Murgdan’s Blog about being off the junk. I really should go pour it down the drain….but I just can’t. Not like I am going to cycle any DAMN time soon. For those coming from ICLW or for the first time- go here to read about me- and update I did at the beginning of ICLW. Thanks!

This is will contain TMI..if you don’t like TMI type info. DON’T READ! Click off- bounce away! Lots of other blogs to read here. If you like a good story of a frustrated TTC-er. Carry on this is long one. Sorry.

I have been back on BCPs for a month for increasing pelvic pain,nausea, bowel issues, 40+ day cycles…..etc- endo related (we assumed). Roll around this month…and I started with extreme bloating/nausea/pelvic pain, etc…..on CD 18!!! For those in the know. I normally OVULATE on day flippin 23 to 27. So, roll CD28 I start my period. After 10 long days of agony. I take the placebo, and I don’t think I should have. It just kept getting worse.

I am currently CD 6 and STILL having pain. I took my antibiotics for a UTI, then went in for a cath culture with my urologist…well, the nurse actually. No news on that so far. When I was working out I noticed pain localizing in my right ovary area. I thought it might be my cyst coming back so I called up my new Grand PoBah OB/Gyn..and ended up having to drive 30 minutes to a satellite office to see a NP instead. I am totally okay with that- they got me in the next day so I can’t complain. Nurse Practitioners rock.

So I went for the exam yesterday. She didn’t see anything…but O.M.G. the pain. She did a speculum exam and I thought I was going to croak. I am back THERE. THERE is the place where when anything gets near my vajayjay I cry. I don’t understand how endo can flare so fast, and so ruthlessly. I am just at a loss.

Before I had my first laproscopy laser removal/D&C/hysteroscopy I was THERE. I had developed an aversion to sex. Granted I was single…but HECK, I was SINGLE!!! I was 23, 24 PRIME of my life! It was horrible. I don’t want to be THERE again.

I got off on the wrong foot with the NP- or rather she did with me. She underestimated by knowledge of endo, AND of my body….and of all things medical. She started to spin me the “it is probably just stress, but we will get an US if it will make you feel better. Hopefully insurance will still cover it” I honestly HELD up my hand and said Ms. TeddyBear (honestly she looks like one), I am a nurse, I am VERY familiar with my conditions. I am TTC, awaiting ICSI. I KNOW something is wrong. This is not normal pain. To her credit she sat back down and REALLLY started talking and listening to me. That is why I like NPs. They were nurses at some point….and most remember how to be a nurse still. They care. We are cut from the same cloth. I might be red plaid…and she gingham, but we have a common ground.

SO, I went in today and had the ultrasound. O.M.G 2.0 (heh, heh) I had forGOT to take any ibuprofen for the 8am US, and I have paid for it all day. It was fucking miserable. The tech couldn’t find my left ovary (even asked me if I still had it). She mashed, and twisted and pressed and pretty much tied the damn thing in a knot in my happy hole like a cherry stem in a sorority gal’s mouth at a frat party. I almost passed out twice- complete with cold chills, high pitched ringing, and the tech grabbing me a wash cloth WHILST FORGETTING THE DAMN DILDO CAM IN MY HAPPY HOLE! Talk about a calamity of errors. There was a student US tech watching and she was kinda like..um, useless. When I was abandoned on the table, legs clattering off the stirrups, mumbling “I am okay, I am okay, I am okay”- the student said “do you want me to go get Ms. TeddyBear?” I remember thinking “GET THE DAMN DILDO CAM OFF MY CERVIX!!!” If that is 1/10 the pain of labor…can I get an epidural at 32 weeks?

Okay….TOLD you guys this was long. After much cervical bleeding prodding she found my left ovary behind some bowel. WTF?!?!?!? Anyone heard of ovaries hiding behind bowel? I wonder what that is going to mean as far as ER?
My ovaries look great, no cysts (WTF 2.0), or other stuff.

Enter Ms. TeddyBear. She basically said it is my endo flaring up, and it is basically DEAL WITH IT. I am already on BCPs– although not with period suppression. I need to call tomorrow to see if I can do that. Then she said “the next step is Lupron Depot” Um. how about NO! I want to get pregnant in the mid- near future. Not wait a year. Then she said the next step would be another lap. Ugh. I can’t believe I am here. THERE is now HERE. HERE sucks.

I am frustrated, dejected, sad…and most of all in pain. After the episode in the US room- I am so tender. It hurts to sit down, sex will not exist for at least a week or so…or more b/c it just plain hurts. I know my body- it takes so long to heal. It used to hurt SO bad during little tiny paps. I get so embarrassed and don’t say anything-but for the longest I had a doctor that knew how much it hurt me. He would use the little child size speculum and scrape as gently as he could.

I would bleed for 4 or 5 days period type flow from my cervix after paps. I am JUST not normal. He said I had endo implanted on the section that is the cervix on the outside, and my cul de sac was full of it. That is why my cervix is crazy. After my lap and lupron shots before it got better. They last 5 years or so I never felt the paps. Speculum/digital exams were just like all my friends used to talk about. NO BIGGIE.

Now they are huge.

I hate it.

So where I stand now is just pain, BCPs, and wait for the next step. According to THIS I am a 5-6 depending on motrin dosage and if I can lead forward and brace my stomach.
OH……and not that this post wasn’t long enough….I have a second opinion lined up the day we go for my husband’s big wig Urology appointment. I called that hospital’s IVF department to talk prices (they are academic), and it is CRAZY cheaper. Like almost 2500 cheaper. Um, sign me up!
So that day we are also going to meet with different RE- one 4 hours from home. BUT only 45 minutes from my mom’s house. We will tour the facilities. I have already talked to the embryologist there when I had a question about freezing and transferring King.mans troops. I talked to that Doc for almost 25 minutes. I love him. The nurse was talking about how she is thinking of starting a B and B with her husband for IVFers from out of town with her ’empty nest’ rooms. They all seem super nice, and very talkative.

Crazy huh? The only down side is that there are two docs up there (REs) that see pts. One is Dr.G and I actually saw him before when I thought I wanted higher care for my endo in 2005. 5 minutes into the history he explained that he didn’t prescribe Lortab for endo. Kept going on about that. I never went back b/c of it. I don’t take narcotics unless I have surgery, and I don’t appreciate you NOT listening to what I am REALLY saying. I wanted BCPs as my RX had run out. NOT narcotics. Narcotics don’t stop the endo. BCPs do. He was kind of an ass.

I don’t have an appt. with him, but with another Doc. Phew. Hopefully my chart is purged anyways. heh, heh, heh.

PHEW. If you have made it this long, you all deserve a cookie. I don’t have any, but Kym and her hubby are cooking up ideas! Check it out here!

I also passed out Amish Friendship Bread to all my loyal and new viewers…okay, so I just passed out the RECIPE for the starter. It is TOTALLY work it. Check it out.

Thank you for caring enough to read this far. I really do appreciate it. I can’t believe I got this all out in one post.

17 responses to “Ding Dang…DAMMIT.

  1. Sorry you’re in pain…and that people are asses. OUCH and the US story made me hurt!

  2. It does sound like you need another lap…sorry :(. Can you look for a doc who can do excision? Excision surgery has the best rates of non-recurrence of disease and best pain relief long-term. I didn’t trust anyone in my area for my 3rd surgery, so I ended up at the CEC in Atlanta, and I’m so glad I did. Hopefully you can get some relief soon!

  3. I’m so sorry that this is happening. What utter bullsh*t.

    Is there anything I can do? Knock over a pharmacy to get you BCPs? You know I totally would. πŸ™‚

  4. A Few Good Sperm

    Wow, that was a long one! I’m sorry you are in so much pain. 😦 It’s hard enough worrying about major IVF/MFI decisions without dealing with what you are going through. I hope you find some relief soon.

  5. Ugh……..that sounds….awful!!!!! I’m so sorry you’re feeling all that pain! Good grief….stupid endo.

  6. ninapintasantamaria

    Oh, honey. I’m sorry you’re hurting. Hope you feel better soon!

  7. Argh@ Geez. how sucky. I am so sorry it hurts. How are they addressing the endo and how it might impact your cycle?

    I wish endo had a cure.

  8. Fashionably Infertile

    I am so sorry you are suffering like this. I have serious endo as well. I actually take pain meds when I get my period. Did they offer you anything? Granted I can either take that or tylenol because of my colitis. Hey so is this going to impact your cycle. One of my RE’s had suggested the lupron depot prior to IVF for 3 months. I said NO WAY at the time because I hate lupron. Are you going to have a lap done? When was your last lap? Hope you get some relieft soon.

    Thank you again for all your support!!!

  9. Sorry to hear about the pain. I’m a guy, and even I feel your pain.

    I don’t understand why NP’s think everyone is just as up on the medical jargon as they are. HELLO! We’re a consumer of your service, not the other way around.

    Hang in there, have a restful weekend and feel better.

    Mr. Shelby (from iclw)

  10. Whew – I hope you purged all your frustrated energy into the keys!! And thanks for the long post, cause you talked me in to a glass of wine too!

    So, raising my glass to you and your quest for baby!!


  11. I am so sorry your in so much pain.

    I hope you feel much better soon.

    I’ll skip the cookies your giving out, if the world just cuts you a break!!


  12. That is so sad….you totally deserve the wine!

    Don’t you just love it when people think you are stupid and low IQ! God, when would empathy kick in some people!

    Sorry that you have to take that solid cocktail of drugs to get you through your days and the shitty bleeding and the ovary behind the bowel (!!!!)…Yeeeeoow!


  13. Holy crap, hun. I’m so sorry that you’ve been in so much pain and discomfort. It’s bad enough having to do with the infertility – being in true, long-term physical agony over it is just tremendous insult to injury. (((HUGS))) I hope that by now, you’re a few notches down on the pain meter.

  14. iambrowneyedgirl

    Sorry you are in such pain. Hope you’re feeling better soon!


  15. oh honey! I don’t even know you but I want to come over with some Morphine and a hot water bottle and some wine and ice cream. There is simply nothing more agonizing that being in that kind of pain and having the professionals tell you “oh well, deal with it”. Ugh. I’m so so so so sorry.

    I hope you have luck with the second opinion and I hope you are feeling better today.



  16. ICLW…

    Don’t worry, my left ovary hides behind bowel almost every time. I usually have to poke around a bit so they can find it. The u/s tech told me it happens all the time.

  17. itsazooaroundhere

    Grrr, blogger just ate my comment!

    I’m so sorry that you are in so much pain, and having to deal with these awful appointments. I have a similar bad reaction at doctors’ appointments, and half the time I end up with a panic attack in the bathroom. I wish you didn’t have to deal with this.

    I hope you don’t need it, but if you do need the Lupron Depot (and have to pay out of pocket) let me know. I was given one on accident instead of the IVF version and I have it sitting here.

    Hope the follow up appointments go well. HUGS!

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