Book Club- Navigating the Land of IF


Okay. This month the Barren Bitches Book Brigade was assigned Navigating the Land of IF by Melissa Ford…none other than our very own Lolipop Goldstein who is our illustrious Stirrup Queen. First off- thank you Melissa for your efforts in putting all this together. I don’t understand how you do it all. I just know I am thankful. I just can’t say it enough.
Second- those that haven’t got this book- GET IT. Even if you think you know it all- I bet you will learn something. You will also get a lot of chuckles out of it. Perhaps buy it for a friend.
A little about the BBBBmembers all read the same book and each submit a question to Melissa, who organized them and distributes the question list. We choose three questions and answer them in our blog. and post at or around the same time on the same day. Melissa maintains the master list of participants on her blog. The discussions occur in the comment sections of the individual blogs. 🙂
Okay, here we go.
#1The “From Me to You section- how did that touch you? Have you ever wished you had a best friend in your pocket to get your through a day? What would you say to your best friend iin a note if you though she was going through the same thing?
I actually teared up when I read it- b/c all the sudden I was flooded with loneliness. I don’t have any close friends here where I live that know about the extent of our IF troubles. I have wished MANY times I had a best friend in my pocket. Heck, in the same state would be great. I have already copied this section have it push pinned in my closet where I get dressed. I figure if I need it, I will grab it and put it in my pocket. What would I say to my friend??? It would be really had to come up with any better than what Melissa said… I especially like the part about the liquor cabinet!! I would want to have something for holidays- “Hey Chicka-I know this is last place you want to be AND exactly where want to be at the same time. You are going to get through this, and tomorrow will be just another day. You are surrounded by lots of good food, and I am sure some relatives that don’t care to be around the little ones. Grab them and a bottle of that wine and go sit on the back porch swing. If you need to grab a text book and say you are studying. I love you. Call me later and we can talk about farting silently whle standing inline and blaming it on the dog!”

#2 Chapters 4 and 5 cover the issues of telling others about your IF struggles and handling the comments if you do. What approach (proactive, reactive, evasive or lying) have you used with your close friend and family? If you have told, have you gotten any surprising reactions, and how have you handled those? If you haven’t told, has this omission created any friction as people make assumptions or comment about your lack of pregnancy?
I have taken various approaches- depending on the person. My closest friends/mom/sister I have been proactive. I keep them up to date on everything. They are understanding, sensitive, and supportive. I have given more limited info to other friends- more reactive in nature I suppose. For the most part my co-workers know we are trying, but don’t ask any questions anymore after I have had some episodes a work. There is ONE PERSON at my husband’s office that i am good friends with that is always saying “This might be the month!!” Out of respect for my husband I don’t tell her IT ALL- but I say “I can say no, with the utmost confidence”. I have told MANY people that we are having fun practicing…not that regular S.E.X. is going to do it- but some people don’t need to know that!!!

#3 I kept wishing, as I read the book, that certain people could have read certain parts while I was going through IF. To help THEM understand better what I was going through. Which parts did you want to show and to whom? Your RE? Your nosy neighbor Your insensitive co-worker? Maybe even your spouse/partner?
YES!!! I have actually ordered a book to give to my mother so that when I am going through the IVF and staying with her- she will understand. I will have a real live person to talk to AND understand. I talk to Miss Sweetness- but this is not stuff you just KNOW. She has so much going on with her life I am not going to ask her to read another book. I have set this in front of my husband to read the sections on the medicine regimen, and that has helped a lot.

I am thinking of passing out pamphlets at work (anonymously) on WHAT NOT TO SAY!!! 🙂 We are always having in services on patient care and treating them good..how about each other??

Well there are my three questions and answers. I hope they have piqued your interest. Please check out the others‘ answers too and join in the discussion!!
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7 responses to “Book Club- Navigating the Land of IF

  1. I have the book, but haven't read it yet. I know what you mean about wanting to hand out pamphlets to people anonymously. Maybe someday… haha!

  2. I love your idea of passing out pamphlets at work. You'll have to let us know if you do it.

  3. LOL at blaming farts on the dog! I think humor is a great way to diffuse the anxiety of IF. Doesn't always work, but DH and I love to joke about stuff as we go through the pokes and prods… in fact, we were cracking up at the RE's office last week. The other couples probably thought we were insane, as they all looked like the wanted to barf.

  4. Great review! I wish I had a best fried too… It is a lonely process isn't it? Totally sucks.

  5. I enjoyed reading your answers to the questions, but was particularly interested in your treatment history in the sidebar. When you had a hemmorhagic cyst, did you have any external signs? I have endo, too, and this past month right after ovulation I had bruises over both ovaries, but minimal to no pain. Very weird. If you have any insight for me, comment back here or e-mail me at cliobabyblog at gmail dot com. I did talk to my RE over the phone and he didn't seem concerned?!

  6. That would be a great service to hand out pamphlets at work, not only to yourself and the patients, but to other coworkers who may be silently dealing with IF.

    Best wishes with your IVF cycle!

  7. Lollipop Goldstein

    Well you know I want to hear your mum's thoughts 🙂

    I love that it is in your closet, ready to go. And better yet, you know that while you will have me there in your pocket if you need me, I am also here via email when you get home so get through the hard moments by composing the email in your head. A real live friend is even better than a paper one…

    Thank you so much for doing this!

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