I am pretty okay with my infertility. Even before I met my husband I knew I would have trouble. I was told when I was around 24 that I needed to have a kid by 30 or I would have issues getting (endo) PG and staying PG (bad cervix)…I got married at 30…..now a bit older..and STILL WORKING ON IT.
I have known since about 24 it would be struggle. I didn’t know I would marry some one with his own issues. I feel like I was made for him. I am okay with his medical problems. God prepped me for our struggles almost a decade ago.
I don’t cry when my friends have babies…and then have a second baby. I do okay at baby showers. I can by bibs, booties and toys.
I do okay with all the Facebook pictures and mobile uploads.
until- out of the blue I read an update…to paraphrase…
“My baby just said MaMa for the first time. What the most wonderful thing for a woman to experience- even better than the day I found out I was PG (and I didn’t even see that one coming”
for some reason this has set me off this morning. I need to be getting ready for work, and I can’t. I can’t stop crying. I am all fair and blue eyed- so I know people will see it at work. I have cried off three make touch-ups. I had to get on here and GET THIS OUT.
I am happy for my friend, but my heart is so empty right now. It literally hurts. I wish I didn’t have to “see” my pregnancy coming. I wish I didn’t have to worry about tests, and days, dates, and money. I wish I could have a surprise in my pregnancy. The only surprise will be IF I get pregnant….and if I STAY pregnant. That is just so fucking unfair.
My surprise will come in form of how much more than expected will I have to pay. How many dildo cams must I endure. How many eggs retrieved, will I develop OHSS, will they find any sperm in my husband’s T’s. Will those sperms fertilize my eggs. Will we get any embryos? Will the divide? Will they implant? Will I miscarry?
The one GOOD surprise I am looking forward to is finding out at birth what sex our baby will be. That is it. That is all I have- everything else is just holding your breath to hope the worst doesn’t happen.
IT JUST SUX.
What really sucks is that Loreal 16hour Infallible foundation IS NOT!!! UGH.
I just seriously hope no patient bitches b/c they have been waiting for 15 minutes to see the doctor. I may just open a bitter can of bitch about a REAL WAIT!!
I would call in, but I am working for someone that has the flu. Flu A. Probably the swine flu, but we don’t test for it anymore since most Flu As are swine flu
Wash your hands people. It is making a resurgence. We had about 20 Influenza A cases this weekend.
Vent over. Now proceed to your regularly scheduled program. 🙂