I am volunteering at a bike race this weekend….had to drive 5.5 hours to get here. AFTER staying up till 2am (can’t sleep well with Kingman out of town, so I just stay up.) And getting up at 630am to meet electrician at our new house.Grumpy. Muey grumpy.Paid $100 for this guy to move my disposal switch and hook up light over sink. I noticed the other day it didn’t work. Somehow we ALL missed it. Home inspector, our walk through, owning the effin’ house for a week. It had been replaced…and not wired back up. The strange thing is the other day when I realized it didn’t work- my attention was drawn to it b/c it was crooked and I didn’t remember it being crooked. (BTW crooked is funny looking word). I even joked that I thought we had ghosts.Today when I went to meet the electrician I noticed the little pile of pool toys I made to throw away (seller had left) was scattered. My first thought was hmmm..wonder if the gutter guy moved them. Then on the way up here-2 hours from my house- I realize. There were no gutters where I had piled the pool toys. Then I remember the open back door we found the day after closing.
We thought the sellers agent just left it open on accident.We have not changed the locks yet- but I am doing that first fuckin’ thing when I get back. I am all weirded out. Either we really do have a ghost. Or someone is literally playing whilst we are gone. I am freaked the h-e-double tooth picks out.Then on the drive up I was listening to the audio book “Best Friends Forever by jennifer weiner (or something like that- she wrote “Little EarthQuakes” too)….and I’ll be damned if there isn’t IF issues in it. From a male perspective. Don’t get that often, huh?So then my mind wanders….and it crystallizes in my mind that earlier this year I thought I was going to be able to do this race. I thought I would have to sit it out b/c I would be in my 2ww or just have gotten a bad beta. I had it all planned out. I was thinking I would either be pregnant, PUPO, or getting ready to have one hell of a period.Right now.Oh- HA FUCKING HA!!!!!Why do I plan? Kingman STILL has to find out if he even has troopers. We don’t even know that. I totally thought LAST year for christmas I would be announcing our miracle.Then I thought, well next year at Christmas…..now I am thinking, well at Easter. Now I realize years are becoming like months, yet the days feel like years.I am Alice. I have fallen down a hole, and I am in a dark, cold and lonely place. Right now I am just empty.But hey-at least I am staying in a holiday inn express tonight. I could pretend I am a physician and heal thyself!!!The disposal switch was 10 feet away from the sink-next to the light switch. Weird.
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