Okay, after much thought, discussion, and prayer we have come to a decision about the IVF and international travel.
My husband is still freaked out totally about the whole knife in the testicles- and is totally okay with a little bonding out of jail on that one. I still want to have him do it before the end of the year b/c we still have 1500 in our FSA I don’t want to go to waste. We also think that waiting is just fine for many other reasons
- Hopefully the worst of the H1N1/Seasonal Flu season will be over in April/May
- More time to save up more money (100% of our treatments are out-of-pocket)
- More time to save up for a new vehicle (we are Dave Ramsey kool-aid drinking freaks)
- More time to get settled into the house in case I have a difficult pregnancy. I am already labeled high risk (see the about me section), and don’t need to push my luck.
- We are both uneasy about me going overseas/out of the country after investing $20,000 est. in our child(ren).
- This is a trip of a lifetime for my mother and I. I want to be safe and not press my luck (I have serious bad luck)
- I am very nervous of delivering the in the early fall/winter b/c I have a history of depression- seasonal depression in particular. I am scared of PPD. I want to breast feed, but if it is winter all the hormones may really make my crazy. I may need to go on SSRIs or something to help with my mood- and I don’t particularly want to do that if I am breast feeding . If I cycle in Jan/Feb- this would put me smack dab in the high risk zone (for me) for exacerbation of my SAD. I struggle enough sans meds as it is…med free AND postpartum. I am a little nervous.
- We are both at peace about it.
I can honestly say I am at peace. That does not mean I am not sadden by the delay- I want to do this. We have waited for quite a while for this….BUT- all of the reasons listed above are so important to us both. I can’t believe I am at peace about this decision to delay on purpose. I mean ME- of all people…Miss Impatient.
I have to do what is right for my family- not just my husband and I with our future child…but also my mother. My sweet, wonderful, loving mother. My dear mother that asks for nothing, expects nothing, yet deserves it all. She is the one that kept all us children ‘normal’ in a very crazy house growing up. She taught me to keep my humor in all situations. She taught me that no matter what- the sun will come out tomorrow whether you want it to or not. She taught me that crying may feel good, but it gives you headache and makes your face all ugly way past when you are done crying. She taught me to be strong and confident in myself. I hope to one day be a good mother like her. That would honestly be the best compliment I could ever get…I hope to one day have the opportunity-but until then I am going the cherish the time I am able to spend with her. (um, that makes it sound like she is terminal or something..she isn’t!!! She is fine!)
So there it is. My bro and I had a good conversation the other day about the timing of the trip, etc. Thanks to everyone that gave me suggestions on how to/if to talk to him about the IF. I ended up totally unprepared for the convo, and just said “Without getting into all of it- since I am your sister and all (LOL)- we are going to have to spend a good bit of money to have a child. You have an idea what all that is (he said “oh, okay- yeah.”) Since it is expensive financially, emotional, and physically we are probably going to wait until after our trip the UK. ( he said “oh, yeah- it would be horrible if you got over there and something happened. When do you want to go then- I am sure Mom will go whenever you are able too)
That was really all that was said. He is a smart guy and understands. He was very accepting of it (he is a man of few words-trust me, this was accepting. If he wasn’t he would have said “WTF?”!!!!), and I appreciated that. We have decided to tentatively set the date for April/May. From all your suggestions that will be a decent time of year weather-wise. I hope to be there semi-off season..um, if there is an off season? I live in the freakin’ south and hate cold weather…and humid cold weather is bone chilling….I also hate super humid weather…ugh- I am picky huh?
So that is that. What the heck am I going to blog about and bitch about in the meantime if I am not perusing IVF ASAP?