Er…Ramble much..yeah, so I do…I do have a reason-oh look something shiny…did I ever tell you about the…:)


why oh WHY did someone search for “Butt Cam Baby” in the first place…and how did they  end up on my blog. LOL!! I get the funniest search results.  Most have some sort of “Fail” or “funny” or some combination of  “butt” and “cam” in the phrase.

I am sure this particular post will generate hits for years to come….tee hee.

Things are spectacular. I am taking a break from Craptastic Shit in your Face (and punch you in the gut)Book. All after I add you as a friend.  I figure if people are wondering what is going on in my life- they can do it the old-fashioned way. They can email. LOL. Or text.

Or call.  Hell- they could even hitch up a horse and come the fuck over.  A girl made a comment to me at work (ones that I am not particularly close to), that I haven’t been on FB in a while. I said I was busy spring cleaning, organizing, etc. etc. etc….and she said something along the lines of (GET THIS) how it was kind of rude of me to ignore my ffriends. That not getting onto FB and not checking in on   my friends and commenting on their status updates, pictures, etc. was equal to not returning phone calls or making replies in conversation in person.

I told her that I didn’t think it was. The internet social scene has a different set or mores- and I think as bloggers we understand this. We understand if we vanish for a while and come back- detailed explanation or no. WE GET IT. Even if we just said the magic four words “I needed a break”.   Not like Ross and Rachel break time (LOL!!!), but just ‘a break’.

This co-worker also said I should put a “NOTE” on my page saying I wouldn’t be on FB for a while…and why.   UM- TMI? Why should I tell people my private business? THAT is precisely why I have to step away. I feel suffocated. I am tired of feeling like have to keep up with everyone, and comment on all my high school friend’s 3rd child’s 2nd place science fair project.  Okay, maybe not that- since all my high school friend’s third children are the ages newborn to 5 or so….but you get what I am saying. 🙂

I love my friends, I love knowing what is going on. FB is a double-edged razor knife. You are cutting something with a razor knife (lets say carpet)  You don’t even know it has cut you.  You see your finger laying there, but don’t see the blood “This isn’t that bad- I am OKAY- I’ll deal with this later, but first I have to finish my job and take care of the carpet”  Your mind can’t focus b/c you are dizzy from the loss of blood.  You know you have to keep cutting the carpet, so you keep going and going- not realizing that the more you go- the more it makes it worse for yourself….you finally realize you have to stop- so you clean up the mess, and you grab the razor knife. You then slice off your other three fingers (or four…if you started out with five fingers….lol!!! WORK WITH ME PEOPLE HA HA).

This was me with Facebook. I kept on, and on, and on. I knew it was hurting me- seeing the bellies, the whining of sleepless nights of newborns, the excitement of teething, the grumpiness of the cost of diapers. I was overloaded pictures, tagged in pictures-invited digitally to baby showers I knew I would never attend. I was asked WHY I didn’t attend- called out on the fact for all 250+ plus of my ‘friends’ to see that “I know you didn’t work b/c I looked at the schedule, and so and so saw you hubby at such and such…you really should have come.”  Gee thanks BITCH.

DELETE.

Yet I kept typing out congratulations, I am so excited. I am? Was I? No. Not for her. I am tired of faking for people I don’t want to fake for. There are A FEW people in my life I am truly 100% happy for with their pregnancies. The Campers and Miss Sweetness. That is it. I can honestly say- right now- there is no one else in my real normal life that I wouldn’t rather grow back my tonsils and have them yanked out again than to hear about their effin’ pregnancy. The Campers and Miss Sweetness are Okay. I can deal with them- b/c they ARE ME. They are my heart and soul. Miss Sweetness is my best friend, and my other mental best friend half. I would rather endure infertility another year than for her to ever experience a day of it. I love her and her sweet husband that much.

Sigh. I digress.

Anyways. I realized after the whole attic thing (um, did I write about  that? omg.) that when you have to preface any conversation with “Don’t say anything about this on Facebook”  perhaps you should be that conversation (OR ANY) with that particular person. I have a lot of friends- but so many are far away. I keep in touch on Facebook. The ones that know me well respect my privacy, the KNOW I don’t want anything personal “ON MY WALL”. I consider writing on my wall just like- well, Heck- like WRITING ON MY WALL. You would come up to my freaking house and post a sign in my yard and say “I am sorry you had toxic mold in your ventilation system- will  you still be able to have a baby  now?”

Oh yeah. She went there. She knows me- but not really. We are  in the “friend dating’ stage that so well-known to 30-somethings that move to a new city. I don’t even recall exactly telling her we were doing fertility treatments- but rather just the “it will happen when it happens” . She is also the one that posted on my wall “you bought a house- now you will definitely get pregnant”. Ugh.

I have been slowly not returning her calls (or Facebook posts rather) b/c of shit like this.

But then after THAT post other people in my life started what I call the Facebook Wall Shit Show of 2010.  I have removed it all (I think), and if you missed it- I am sorry. It did contribute to another mental breakdown in Casa da la Bumpy.  People that KNOW I don’t talk bout IF stuff started commenting- aliens MUST have stolen their brains is all I can think. I have talked to a few since then and they are horrified now that they wrote anything. I understand they were honestly concerned and wanting to know what was going on… but.

I have found I have helluvalot more time. 🙂  I have clean up the garage and gotten and that crappy dust out of there (from the insulation removal and installation of new insulation….um, type THAT ten times fast. LOL!!!)  Speaking of insulation, we are getting a 1,500 tax credit NEXT year b/c of this energy efficiency home improvement- and another tax credit b/c we used a ‘Green Alternative’ as our insulation. 🙂 It is really cool (um, no pun intended)- it is made out of recycled papers, etc, and is biodegradable 26% MORE energy efficient NON TOXIC, all natural, etc. etc. I really liked the product. It was a wee bit more expense- but it was still pretty cool. So- who knows- I may have your old recycled bank statement in my attic.

No, actually, I have the damn plans for my BABY IN MY ATTIC!!!!  🙂 (oh, wonder if THAT will get any google searches….people are freaking weird)

So- to recap.

Facebook sucks for me right now.

My husband agreed to definitely to surgery before June 30- but preferable mid May (wooo hooo!!!) His rationale is that new residents start July 1st- and even if they say a resident will not touch you….it is still a teach facility, and to get anything done there you have to sign a paper saying you agree that since it is a teaching facility part of being able to use it(and get the teaching facility price) is to utilize the student staff. The UroGod promised him that no one but him would touch his manly gems, but come on. (HA HA- NO PUN INTENDED) Kingman worked there- I worked there. When it is lights out for the patient…and UroGod needs some help…or perhaps he thinks it would be  PERFECT time for his little protegé to make one little cut and get one slice of the Troopers….We want to know that the resident doing that slicing has been on that rotation for 11.5 months…Not just started and fresh out of Medical School.

Sorry- THESE are the things that are just the way it is. Just like if I am a patient- I LOVE having student nurses. I am most likely their ONLY patient. I know they are looking over everything and checking it all all out. I dont’ know if I want a nurse that has been there 30 years. She just wants to come to work, you to not complain…and for the time to pass until she can go home.

Just sayin’. I can say these things b/c I am a nurse. I am not pullin’ it out of my ass. 🙂

Oh- speaking of which. Nurses like me- of 10 years that think they know it all…DON’T. I take Maxalt for my migraines.  It works like a charm.

I have depression (big shocker huh?), my doctor starts me on Effexor XR.  I don’t think a thing about it. I kinda go a little crazy.  Okay- I have been going a lot crazy lately.  I was kind of thinking I was going certifiable crazy for a while. I had been getting lots of migraines. Lots of Maxalt (you can take 1 every two hours up to three dose in a 24 hour period)

Daily Effexor

Major NO NO. um, Ever hear of serotonin Syndrome? Not cool.

Come to find out that the dextromethorphan adds to it..as does some other opioids and I was taking tussionex for the HORRIBLE cough for a while, then downgraded to robitussin AC)

My body has been crazy lately- my mind has been crazy. I now realize it really wasn’t just “in my head”  I would break out in a drenching sweat at times for no reason. Others covered in goosebumps but not cold. I would even have severe painful goosebumps on one arm. It was strange- a doctor at work kept sayin “That reminds me of something serious..” but we all laughed it off.  I get headaches all the time- but just take more maxalt. I obviously am anxious, agitated, and have insomnia.  My heart rate was 110+ the other day at work, and when I was sick (and taking the tussionex, dexomethorphan, maxalt, effexor xr deadly combo) my blood pressure was 170/120. I had to take clonidine at work. My stomach was killing me, and I remember a co-worker joking with me that I was attracted to her b/c my pupils were dilated. ( I was there at that point as a patient, not to work- just to clarify) I now realize how odd all this is b/c I am very fair-skinned and NEVER have dilated eyes- even with meds like narcotics.
I now realize I was (and have been) dealing with mild serotonin syndromes- that for whatever reason have not gone full-fledged.

I am so freakin’ lucky.

The sucky ass part is that you can’t stop Effexor cold turkey. I have to wean off of it. I am going to change to Wellbutrin XR…and do a better job and checking my medicines like a good little patient.

Okay. Enough rambling for a day.

Oh, um, the whole reason I came to write a post. My friend is doing a blog to chronicle her Paleo Challenge. Um, it is diet- like eating healthy. I don’t really get it- but she is great friend, and I support her. I personally don’t want to eat like a caveman- lol!!! Check it out though. She does have some awesome recipes. 🙂 YUMMY!

Tomorrow is the telephone seminar with RESOLVE for starting the support group!!! YEAH!

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4 responses to “Er…Ramble much..yeah, so I do…I do have a reason-oh look something shiny…did I ever tell you about the…:)

  1. I totally get the facebook thing. We have an iron fist policy for facebook. Someone says something I don’t like… Delete. Someone has a friend my husband doesn’t like… Delete. With no regard for relationship. We have deleted my sister in law, DH’s mom, lots of people.

  2. Facebook is awful in every way. The ONLY reason I am on it now is to connect with my aunts and uncles and cousins – I have so many (40 first cousins on just one side!) that I want to stay in touch with but it’s so hard by email or phone. I started de-friending people from high school that I could care less about, but there are still waaay more kid and pregnancy updates than I care to see.
    Wow, I’m so glad you were able to catch the meds problem before it got truly serious! Sorry you’re having to wean off the one med, but hopefully the other one will do the trick :).

  3. Wow, the meds we have in common! I take Maxalt for migrains, and used to take effexor (until I ended up in the hospital for suicidal actions- yes I am one of the reasons that they now say that antidepressants may increase the blah blah blah in teens and young adults) then switched to welbutrin. I hated the quasi smiley faces on the ‘butrin. They never made me happy, and I quit the neurologist and psychiatrist I was seeing because they were both trying to over medicate me. Also, I did stop the effexor abruptly (they wouldn’t let me take that or my bcp in the loony bin) and it took me almost a year before I didn’t feel the dizziness that I felt when I missed a dose. I don’t know what it would have been like if I weaned off. I actually did really well off of all the psychiatric meds until about 4 years ago, when my anxiety kicked up after some close near-death calls.

    I like the ‘book for keeping up with some people, but my blocked from feed list is increasing. I also deactivate and reactive my account on occasion for sanity purposes.

    I guess my point in my long-winded comment is that you are not alone. I know a lot of what you are going through. I’m here for you if you need me.

  4. Hey lady, thanks so much for stopping over to my blog & your comments, I hope they get others who stop over in the fight as well. You’re right you are definitely a woman after my own heart…I don’t understand why other people don’t get fired up about this stuff either. I swear it makes me want to take the the streets in full protest!!! Thanks so much for joining in. Also I’m so happy to have found you on here…I’m not sure how to follow your blog though? I didn’t see a follow button anywhere, but I’ll definitely add you to my blogroll.
    I couldn’t agree more on the fb issue, I too have been on their less, especially since I started blogging & found that to be such an awesome support system & fb would just upset as you said. I still go on occasionally, but am on the blog scene much more. Non-IF people just can’t understand.
    Sorry about your med problems & all the challenges you’ve been faced with lately, hoping things get better for you & I look forward to being her to follow your journey & support you along the way:)

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