WTF Searches

There are some seriously STRANGE people out there searching really really strange things.

I like the way wordpress has the stats incorporated into the dashboard- but I miss my google analytics. I have been told I can put it on here- but I have tried and tried with no luck. I am not going to upgrade to the “paid’ version of wordpress- so don’t even tell me that.  I just liked being able to see that  Somewhere City, Somewhere State  didn’t come b/c I know there is someone there I don’t want coming.

I guess that is why I protect my innermost feelings, and most sensitive posts with the secret posts.

Anyhow- Let me just tell you about some of the strange ass people out there-

“my husband doesn’t have sperm does he stink?” Well- if by stink you mean stink at making babies the traditional way- yup. If you mean he offends your olfactory nerves- that depends totally on his diligence to using deodorant. Nothing to do with his swimmers.

“buttocks feels bumpy and froggy” Quite unsure of how THIS particular phrase landed you on my blog (alas, wordpress doesn’t tell you what page the search took it to).  I am unclear if your bum is froggy as in you feel like you just got hit really hard- or rather you feel like jumpy around. IF by chance you feel like jumpy around ass first- THAT would be blog worthy- and quite hysterical.

“i think my employer cvs is selling Count” Hummm.. Selling Count….Dracula?  Chocula?  ooooooo- yummy. Is it on sale? Why is this a bad thing?

“Buttcam Entrance Password” Um.. Really? I am totally wondering if someone was looking for the password for my secret posts (probably about said buttcam) and googled it? maybe? LOL! Who knows.  That I could only hope- b/c if not….WTF is someone googling this for? HA HA HA HA HA.

This is the kicker for me………

“Pregnancy Belly Pictures” and many MANY variations thereof.   WHY OH GOD WHY?!?!?!? WHY would you come to this blog? What  makes MY blog come up in search engines as a match for this word phrasing combo. I get at least 5 or 6 referrals a day. Imagine the poor* pregnant people/ happy/giddy/ fully of hope/ rainbow farting/ blah blah blah that click over and get a big fat dose of….

well- a big fat dose of. ME.


*by ‘poor’- I mean I feel sorry for them, in that they are looking for happy stuff- and the obviously do not get what they want on this blog. I am in no way implying that I pity them for being pregnant, etc. etc. etc. Just a clarification. (I  would make this effin’ footnote smaller but I DON”T KNOW HOW!!!!)

PS- holy shit I am a blogging fool lately.

2 responses to “WTF Searches

  1. I don’t know how most people land on my blog but I know some search how long do baked beans last and end up with me. How disappointing to find a vent about family when trying to save their beans.

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