Thanks for listening to me ventilate last night. 🙂 I really do feel better after that complete diarrhea of the mouth. LOL! It has been a long time since I have let myself just let it all just GO, and it really helped.
I feel like a little bit of the weight has lifted. There is still a weight there- there always will be. there is always something that has to be done, more to do….but I feel less crazy about it right now. As my mother has always said “the sun will come up tomorrow- whether you want it to or not The only think you CAN control is your attitude.” Sometimes I have a really hard time doing that, but I am really trying. I have to remember to get all the frustrations out.
It really is toxic to let it fester inside.
Things that are helping
1. Upping my Wellbutrin. 🙂 THANKFULLY I called my OB/GYN and she was undertanding and okay’d me to go up on my Wellbutrin (alas, she doesn’t prescribe antianxiety drugs either….sigh). I am beginning to wonder if I am going to have to go to a Junior High to get some happy pills…..or reply to the 50 emails an hour that go to my spam folder on email. HA HA. I can also have a longer penis, lots of hair, and no cellulite. WOO HOOO!!!!
2. Getting outdoors! I have planted some containers of veggies and herbs. I have some tomatos, bell and hot peppers, cucumbers (a hybrid bush!!), strawberries, broccoli, and then the herbs.
I am trying my hand at companion gardening/organic gardening. I have marigold around all of my tomatoes, and basil and lemon balm to sweeten the tomatos. I have planted nasturtium (spelling?) to help repel bugs. I have citronella plants- which is totally cool!! I also have garlic cloves in each container. They are supposibly very fast growing and you also use them to crush up/juice to spray on plants to use as a pesticide. I want to use as little chemicals as possible- for obvious reasons- if we cycle this summer (BWWWAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA), I don’t want to be full of DDT- or whatever they use.
I am also trying to make a conscious effort to do one random act of annonymous kindness a day. Whether it is to pay for the person’s toll behind me, drop off some extra items at my local Ronald McDonald House, or send a card to a nursing home. This is actually harder than you would think…the annonymous part I mean. People either get suspicious- or don’t understand the reason you don’t want to be acknowledged.
I recently had a great score shopping our local grocery store- they have these ‘Meal Deals’. Buy Two Red Barron Pizzas, and get 1 frozen Tyson Anytizer, Bread sticks, 2 liter of coke and 1/2 gallon of Edy’s ice cream (Hello Girl Scout Cookies!!!) free. I also had coupons for $2 off 1 Red Baron Pizza…so that was $4 off of 12.98….s $8.98 for ALL THAT. Are you kidding me?!?!?!?
I went back every day for the entire week it was on sale. I was beggign people to dig out their coupons out of the trash for me. After about two weeks I realized that I WAAAAAAAY over did it. I dont’ even eat ice cream!! (Okay, maybe 3-4 times a year) I really just wanted the frozen pizzas- and 2 for $8.98 was a good deal!
Anyways- I ended up taking 4 boxes of Anytizers (chicken nuggets) and three 1/2 gallons of ice cream, and picked up some games- over to the Ronald McDonald house. They wanted my name to put in the bulliten as a donater. I asked for my name to not be listed- I understand they have to have it for tax purposes- but my mission is to random acts of kindness with the accolades. For the act of kindness to be the thanks. The lady could not understand why I wouldn’t want my name in the monthly letter saying I brought in all the stuff.
sigh. Perhaps I am totally blowing my own point of the mission out of the water by telling you all this….but not really b/c how do I know you all reeeeaaaallllly exist? Hmmmm??? How do I know you are all not just my alter ego like in Fight Club? Taking over when I think I am sleeping.
First Rule of IF Club….You Don’t DO* Talk About IF CLUB….:)
Okay- to ANYONE that uses WordPress…..I am trying to figure out this fecking blogroll link thing. I got the categories, but for some reason I can ONLY get a Blog roll Widget Title show up on the blog!!! I want it to have “TTC Peoples” “Preggos” “Children after IVF” ETC….I want to be able to categorize the blog lists…I can’t for the life of me figure it out- and the wordpress help- DOESN”T HELP. GAH! Blogger was definately easier to figure out for me in this aspect.
Alright, heading off to bed.
I love you all my girls- thank you for loving me and my drunking blog! I am amazed it came out so- *ahem* coherent. I really was snookered.
Also- I am glad to know I am not the only getting snookered last night. LOL!
DAMN I wish I lived near anyone of you!!!!!
*My FIRST strike out AND footnote in ONE sentence. WOW.