Category Archives: About Me

B is for…..

B is for BEAR…Build-a-Bear.
The night before the last cycle (dIUI#1) Kingman and I stopped at Build-a-Bear workshop to make a bear for our baby. (guess we will go back and get a second if we have twins) My husband is from an area that is known for black bears, and when we saw this one he had a bond. He doesn’t really decide on things- is more a”whatever you like/want honey” kind of person. I guess for a lot of women that would be AWESOME, but I like to have participation. I have learned to live with it…but when he hones in on something I love it. I have to go with it.

Even a black bear. 🙂  It was super cute dressed up as Darth Vader also. The hubs didn’t want any clothes, but he did kiss the heart before we put it in our little Gordon.

Without further adieu.

Our Baby Black Bear- full of wishes.

NaBloPoMo

Here I am attempting to commit to NaBloPoMo. I figured it would do me good, and get me talking/thinking during this cycle. I am also signed up for Suzy’s 30 in 30…..check it out!

Who am? A wife, a friend, avid Steelers fan….lovable Cubbies fan (I know- polar opposites). I am a nurse, I am unemployed. I am infertile.

My husband has SCO (Sertoli Cell Only). So here we are. Donor sperm. Unconventional- yes. Are we at peace with it? Yes.

Do I give a shit what other people think? I’d like to say no, but the truth is yes. That is why this blog is as private as I can. I make mistakes, and log in under my pseudonym and make comments on my IRL friends blogs…but thankfully they are all level-headed people who respect me.

One of my best friends I will NOT dub Fertile Mrytle (b/c she said she was scared she would see her discription on my “Who are they” tab with that Moniker”. So, I will NOT call her FM. 🙂 Tee hee.

I apparently posted on her blog from here. That is okay. BUT. Apparently  have done this several times with OTHER people. THANK GOD I follow very very few IRL blogs. If I have done this, and you have figured out who the heck I am…Please keep your lips zipped. I should be ashamed of my IF, but this is more out of respect for my husband and his profession.

Also. I will promise not to do anymore ram-ambienling. LOL!

Anyhoo. We are going into this blog posting month with November 1st…which is also my Cycle day #1. We just just a failed dIUI. It is all good. We came down to NOLA (New Orleans) to cheer our lovely Steelers on (um, so I have been seriously twittering b/c I almost put a hashtag in front of Steelers- LOL).

Anyhoo- we are here in NOLA and having a blast. My period started last yesterday and so with full flow today. They count today as day one…and here we go again. It wasn’t a big surprise as I know my body pretty well. All my girls with endo will stand up and fist pump for that one huh? It is very very distinctive. We just know..

I have spent this weekend WAITING for my period to start b/c I wanted to make sure I wasn’t pickeling an embryo! LOL.  I have had a few too many…wait. I just had a BFN. There is no such thing as “Too Many” LOL!

Well, I am off to spend some more time with the hubs.

More tomorrow.

ICLW Baseball!

**Does anyone know how to make this sticky in WordPress???***

Kym has come up with a cool game to play during this ICLW.  Lets try it out and see who has similar likes as you!

Here’s what to do if you want to play ICLW Baseball:

1. Copy these instructions and post them on your blog.

2. Answer the Base Questions.

3. Find other participating bloggers who have the same answers you do. Find at least one blogger for each base and link back to them in your baseball post. You may find more than one blogger with common answers for each post base. Your post will be a work in progress. Get YOUR base answers up ASAP,  then go back often to edit and add the links of bloggers who share answers with you!

4. Once your base answers are up, go to I’m a Smart One/Kymberli’s blog and add your baseball post hyperlink to the list. Kym’s blog is home base; check the list to find the other players.

My Bases:

1st: Diet Coke (Matched with Kristin!)

2nd: Buffalo Wild Wings

3rd: April

Home Plate: Finding Nemo (Matched with Kristin also! Also Butterflies!!!!)

Word

one

Posted on April 14, 2010 by Quiet Dreams

From Dreaming of Quiet Places. Consider yourself tagged if you wish to be.

I normally don’t do these chain email/blog posts…but what the hey. Why not.d

You.
Can.
Only.
Type.
One.
Word.

No.
Explanations.

Not as easy as you might think…

1. Yourself: Hopeful
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife: sleeping
3. Your hair: reddish
4. Your mother/stepmother: humorous
5. Your dog: nonexistent
6. Your favorite item: DROID
7. Your dream last night: pantsless
8. Your favorite drink: red
9. Your dream car: luxury
10. The room you are in: living
12. Your fear: abandonment
13. What you want to be in 10 years: secure
14. Who you hung out with last night: husband
15. What you’re not: Liar
16. Muffin: Starbucks
17. One of your wish list items: BABY!
18. Time: Fast!
19. The last thing you did: clicked
20. What you are wearing: Jammies
21. Your favorite weather: Hawaii
22. Your favorite book: Outlander
23. The last thing you ate: Buffalos
24. Your life: interrupted
25. Your mood: excited
26. Your best friend(S): AWESOME
27. What are you thinking about right now? Weekend
28. Your car: Pollen’d
29. What are you doing at the moment?: Insomnia
30. Your summer: pool
31. Your relationship status: Married
32. What is on your TV?: DVR’d
33. What is the weather like?: Night
34. When is the last time you laughed?: Dinner

Gallery

Sock It To Me Baby

This gallery contains 1 photos.

I had my dancing socks on today.  🙂 I participated this year is Sock It To Me- a yearly sock exchange that is best described HERE.      In trying to find the exact post- I just found out there is going … Continue reading Continue reading

ICLW with Sweet and Gross

oooo…I totally dropped the ball on this one. I was at work today, and forgot to turn my phone off. Everytime I got an email “blinkyblinkyblinky” would echo in the med room where we keep our purses.  Okay- I am not good with making musical notes float on the screen. It was some canned blackberry alert going off each time I got a comment.

This is how I realized it was ICLW. Did I miss an email from Mel? I haven’t been checking my Google reader lately so I may have missed something. ANYHOOO!!! Those that don’t know- or that DO and need a refresher. Check out my ABOUT ME section here. Then click over HERE for our lovely TTC timeline.  Wooo hooo.   If read a little, like what ya read- leave me a little hug- just a quick comment. 🙂 If you want to read the “TOP SECRET” posts, I just need to protect myself some- so please include your email and your website in your comment. I will let you know what the super secret password is.  That is-if I like your template on your blog site. If it is boring I won’t tell you. 🙂 LOL! JUST KIDDING!!!

In all honesty- there are just certain things we all must do to feel secure out in this abyss of the internet. 🙂

LOL! I got quite a few today. Who knew that trying to figure out how to mop my floor would become such a hot topic. Now I am anxious to try all the suggestions! 🙂 My mother is down right now (hence the blogging ignoring- that and working), and she has convinced me to get a mop/broom thing that is like microfiber- has long pieces that pick up everything. They use it at the veterinary clinic she works at, and the very rarely need to vacuum. Then they swiffer.

I do like my swiffer vac- but I just have to change stuff out all the time. Maybe we are just trashy people and I just need to get used to it!! 🙂 I honestly like the idea of the swiffer wet jet- and LOVE how much it picks up…but I don’t like any of the formula really. They streak and make my floor sticky/gummy. 😦  I may try and see about putting other stuff in the containers b/c I like the idea of it.

The steam mop kinda freaks me out b/c I actually have laminate- not real hardwood. I am so scared that it will damage it

Oh- so why am I doing another post on MOPS!?!?! Good gravy when I did I become so boring.

What is new with me- My mother has come to visit. She got here on Thursday at lunch. We have had some good food, and some drinks! We went to a local junior league christmas shopping extravaganza, and then a downtown year-end arts on the street night. It was a beautiful night on friday-blue jeans and t-shirts or long-sleeved T kinda night.  I love store’s open houses. You get wine, cheese, pate, samples, look at all sorts of stuff- art, jewelry, etc. Most all by local people. It is just awesome. At one Jewelry store the guy gave me a whole bottle of Corona Light-WITH lime. 🙂 My dear mother grumbled after he got her Dixie cup shot of wine “Shot of wine for the geezer, whole beer for hottie”  Hee hee. That made me laugh. I am not a ‘hottie’ kinda person, so this comment was hysterical for some reason.

Today we visited with my next door neighbor/long-lost cousin. It was very interesting to hear them talk about life growing up (they are two years apart), and what the other one remembers about stuff. My mom started crying when my cousin/Neighbor was speaking fondly of her father (my mom’s father”) She called him “Uncle D”, and my mom kinda lost it. The D is short for a nickname of course- but only the people very close to him called him that. My mom hadn’t heard another person say that in long time (her sisters call him Daddy), and it really touched her.  (well me too, but I was bumbling mess anyways.

I LOVE having my mom here. We are just perfect for each other- in the mother/daughter kinda since of the word. 🙂  My poor mother inadvertently said something that hurt so deep though today- I KNOW she never meant it, and she wasn’t really even talking to me. She was talking to my cousin- they were talking about their children and catching up over the 40 years since they have seen each other. My aunt has had a son (military) and daughter(medical) to die in the last 5-7 years. They were talking about love, and how a mothers love is like nothing else. You know you love your husband, your mother, your father- but until you have  a child you never really know what true love is. She said “it just blooms out of you, and is the most beautiful,peaceful, wonderful, untouchable, ultimate love. There really is no way to know that depth until you have a child”   sniff sniff.

She was totally talking to my cousin- and I really think she had kinda forgot I was there. BOY- did I feel like I was in the hot seat though. I got all squirmy, and teary. My cousin starting her part of this verbal badminton game and my mother reached over to pat my knee in a “I love you so much, you are my reason for living” way, and she saw my face. Mom is a great master of the mask. She just squeezed my leg and patted my knee- smiled looking straight in my eyes. I knew she realized that hurt me, and she was asking for forgiveness- I accepted and told her I understood. I want to love a child like she loves me.   This was all in our secret mother/daughter language we have.

Later she did verbally apologize to me, and I verbally said what I just wrote- and she said that is how she thought I felt. LOL! Um, is anyone following this still b/c I am starting to confuse myself in telling the story. HA HA HA

SO. Moral of this story is. I love my mom. I adore my mom. I want to be just like my mom. 

Awwwww.  Then we went and gorged on some gyros and humus that later gave me horrid gas at work. Someone had the BRILLIANT idea to go buffalo wild wings to get some dinner after work. I went and picked up my Mum and we met them there. 5 nurses and a Mom freezing their asses off b/c we could only sit outside b/c of the UFC championships!!

HA HA HA. So there I added some HOT wings (moving up from Medium) to my churning stomach. (Why do I do this to myself?)

*****TMI ALERT*****

By the time I got home I just knew I was going to be on a TLC show…either “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” or “I Gave Birth to a Bowling Ball Sized Turd”  Seriously If labor is much worse than that…give DRUGS DRUGS AND MORE DRUGS. I seriously thought I was going to crap out my left tit! UGH.

So- now here I am blogging  about sweet things, Gross things…and all things mundane.

Orphanage Mission Trip

If you are for ICLW Please click HERE to check out my ICLW introduction post

Not me- 🙂 I wish, but no.

One of my best friends from college is currently in Kiev- they are going on to Zaporozhye to the orphanage. I beg of you you to check out their blog. It is not IF related per se, but they are going to visiting with children that are adopt ready- papers in hand. Jami will one day adopt- and I wouldn’t be surprised if she came home bonded to a child. Aimee (the other girl that is going) has already adopted, but from another country- not Zaporozhye .

ANYWOO. They landed safely this morning according to Jami’s Facebook update…..they are going to be updating soon with pictures and stories of these children.

LETS GET THE WORD OUT!!

I can 100% vouch for my friend- I met her in Algebra 101. 🙂 um, and then got to be BETTER friends with her in Algebra 101 the SECOND time. LOL!!!

THANK YOU.

CLICK OVER THERE NOW. or else……hee hee hee.

Happy Hurricane Season ICLW!!!

YEAH! It is time for ICLW.
I love this time to find new blogs, and comment and show some luv. This is one of the best parts of blogging fellowship! GO DO IT NOW!!!!

I am doing this post as a little introduction/refresher of ME! (um, some is copied as pasted from last month, so if you think this first part sounds familiar…..it is!!)

I am glad you are here. This blog has become a lifeline for me. Not just b/c of IF related issues, but other problems too. I have made really awesome friends with just a keyboard, computer screen and magic. I still don’t understand the whole Internet thing and how it really works. Kind of like the Matrix. Seriously- who REALLY understands how 1s and 0s could be a whole alternate reality?!?!? LOL!!!

Here is a little about me.
I am 30-something with a 30-something DH(Kingman).
Married for almost 2 years, and TTC for a year and half (wow, had to change that…crap time is flying).
My ailments including, but not limited to: endometriosis, cysts (but NOT PCOS based on labs), ‘incompetent’/friable/dynamic cervix, IBS, Hypertension, overweight, migraines, polycystic kidneys, neurogenic bladder with frequent UTIs and cystitis- I actually self cathed two times a week for 6 months in 2005…. ANYTHING ELSE??? All are currently under control and not causing me any problems. I take only one RX for hypertension. The rest is controlled with diet/exercise/environmental restrictions/herbs. I try not to do the medication thing. I am a wannabe organic nut that ends up putting plastic in the microwave.

My DH(King.man): Pr.u.ne Be.l.l.y S.yndrome. Read about that HERE. He doesn’t have the duct work for the troopers to get out, thus he has Azoospermia/anejactulation– his troops are MIA…b/c the road to freedom has was never made!!
Our timeline is to the right. 🙂
We have had a lot of testing- including one great normal cycle with normal labs for me(but I have had a history of 40+ day cycles, but the levels where fine)…and normal labs for King.man, but abnormal ultrasound of male duct work.

We JUST got back the results of his cystic fibrosis carrier status. It was NEGATIVE!! WOOO HOO. I literally found this out today. In the mail. Honestly- who sends stuff like that in mail these days? LOL!! Now we get the sperm retrieval (POW rescue) on the books…and then cycle after that.
We have not cycled at all- IVF with ICSI is our only hope.
I am back on BCPs b/c of crazy ass periods and horrible pain from the endo.
We have recently decided to cycle in Jan, 2010 because our flexible spending account will reset and we will have an automatic 4,000. Our FSA for 2009 will be way past over after the POW retrieval b/c it in and of itself is around 5,000 +/- 500. You get the idea.

That is US!

Random facts about me:
1. We are buying our first home together currently. (I bought one in 2004..sold in 2007- it was 105% financed.)
2. I have now realized WHY our country got in this financial crisis. My eyes are opened. I am pissed. I have learned more about mortgage lending, homeowners, etc. Than I ever dreamed possible. I didn’t realize how naive I was in 2004. Home ownership is a privilege– not a right.
3. I could possibly become an alcoholic after this house buying process. I don’t know how I am going to get through my 2ww without alcohol. A good book will be detrimental.
4. I am too cheap to take my husband’s work clothes to the cleaners. I almost cried tears of joy when he decided to start wearing hospital issued polo shirts. No ironing. THERE IS A GOD!
5. I am a hoarder. I hoard money. :)..and books. LOL. Not TLC documentary hoarding though.
6. I used to have a LOT of debt from various things(a major thing was credit cards, poor choices and lots from a user ex-boyfriend). 90% of my salary in the last 2 years has gone to pay it off. Now I am paying on my husband’s student loans. I WILL to be debt free one day.

Thank you for stopping by and making it this far.

How to Have a Panic Attack.

First wake up at 615 am to go to Boot Camp. Grumble, bitch, and proceed to wake your husband up with all the commotion of getting dressed.

Hear his muffled laughter

Choke down whole wheat english muffin with organic/natural PB. Slosh down Gatorade down your gullet.

Realize you are having serious cramps…go to the bathroom to, uh, you know- and realize Aunt Flo is what is being such a ‘pain in the ass’ Grumble and bitch more when you realize there is not a tampon in the house. (doctor’s orders, pads only)

Hear more male giggling (FROM HIS DAMN PILLOW!!!)

Go to boot camp. Do the “gimp” exercises b/c your calves are STILL in knots.

Start getting frustrated…um, and worried about that pad…You are sweating A LOT!!!

Finish work out. Drive home.

Get out of car and notice you left a little of Aunt Flo on your LEATHER SEATS!! BITCH just can’t stay put!

Freak out a little. You have on grey capris. Wonder when Aunt Flo started her vacation from the cushy pad??!?!

Go into house to take shower……..this is where the trickiness starts.

Recipe for Panic Attack:

  • One very sweaty, um, HEALTHY girl
  • add a large amount of Aunt Flo- eager to get the ball rolling the minute the pad is gone.
  • peel one sports bra….entirely too small

Start with peeling the sports bra very quickly- don’t worry, it won’t happen ANY time soon. Aunt Flo will then decide that she wants to see if your tile is really clean or not. Your arms will get contorted and pretty much STUCK as you try and get that damn bra off. You don’t want to leave the bathroom to get scissors b/c then Aunt Flo will have to check out the ENTIRE HOUSE..(you have white carpets)..you are too contorted and fucked up with the bra all crazy stuck on your sweaty, doughy, rolly flesh to get pants on anyways………then you feel it.

Full on panic.

DING!! Done.

Enjoy the Panic.

This is the time that I am SURE Google maps would be driving by my house and I would end up as an Internet icon. 🙂

***I don’t just get panic attacks. Honestly- but confinement is a HUGE trigger. I did okay in an MRI, I can do elevators(pretty much)….it is being physically unable to move that gets me.

I finally got the damn bra off and threw it in the trash.

Happy ICLW!!!

YEAH! It is time for ICLW. I love this time to find new blogs, and comment and show some luv.
This is one of the best parts of blogging fellowship! GO DO IT NOW!!!!

I am doing this post as a little introduction/refresher of ME! Right off the bat- I got a new email address to tie into this blog so that I have a separate profile that hopefully people can click to and get to this email. My original profile I had to disable the section that show what blogs I have b/c I have an IRL blog that a lot of IRL people follow. I have to keep them separate.

I am glad you are here.

Here is a little about me.
I am 30-something with a 30-something DH.Married for almost 2 years, and TTC for a little over one year.
My ailments including, but not limited to: endometriosis, cysts (but NOT PCOS based on labs), incompetent cervix, IBS, Hypertension, overweight,migraine,poly cystic kidneys, neurogenic bladder with frequent UTIs and cystitis…. ANYTHING ELSE???

My DH(King.man): Pr.u.ne Be.l.l.y S.yndrome. Read about that HERE. He doesn’t have the duct work for the troopers to get out, thus he has Azoospermia/anejactulation– his troops are MIA…b/c the road to freedom has was never made!! Our timeline is to the right. 🙂

We have had a lot of testing- including one great normal cycle with normal labs for me…and normal labs for King.man, but abnormal ultrasound of male duct work. We are currently waiting for his cystic fibrosis carrier status results. Then we will see if I need to get the CF carrier status test…if not- we will schedule his sperm retrieval…and then cycle after that.

We have not cycled at all- IVF with ICSI is our only hope. I am back on BCPs b/c of crazy ass periods and horrible pain from the endo.

That is US!

Random facts about me:
1. I am currently in a fitness boot camp. It is really effin‘ hard. Please see previous posts to get an idea about it.
2. I still feel like I am in college sometimes- rental house, old cars (but paid off), old furniture (waiting on buying a house). It makes me antsy.
3. I can’t go to bed without reading a little. Even a Sunday newspaper flyer will do
4. Can’t live without my Blackberry…but I now want a Palm Pre..or whatever it is called. 🙂
5. I have to take antibiotics every time I have sex. Ugh. If I forget- I get a UTI
6. Love to watch travel shows…If we can’t have children we will travel. All the time.

That is all for now- I hope that you all leave a little comment- stay and browse a while.PEACE!

Happy Labor Day To My Mother!!!

30 some odd years ago my parents were blessed with the sweetest bundle of joy. My siblings were at home eating cheese soup. (well, to my father’s defense…kids like cheese…and the can said soup. ’nuff said) The said siblings were less than thrilled at my arrival- mom was gone, eating cheese soup, and my sister was ONE MORE kid away from being that blissful only child that was becoming a distant memory. A life she loved beyond all. 🙂 JUST KIDDING!!!

My older brother didn’t realize he was gaining a perfect crash test dummy. Someone to “send in first”. Someone to blame it on. 🙂 Heh, heh, heh. I am a little self centered on my birthday-I like things to be about ME! 🙂 It always comes down to others though. No matter how selfish you are birthdays are no fun without others. I would rather spend a day with all my friends and family with no presents…than a trunkful of shoes or books. 🙂 The shoes get used and worn out. The books (although pretty close second to friends and family) get read and remembered. Friends and family are always making new memories, new smiles and are truly priceless. I am very blessed to have everyone I do in my life.

I COM WE LEAV Day 1

Helllllooooo ladies! Welcome to another lovely month of comments- my second, and it starts with me out of town. I am currently typing really fast so I can make it down to breakfast before 1030. 🙂

I am a 30 something gal that is fighting several battles in my quest to have a child. I have endometriosis– pretty extensive, although never given a grade. My DH (King.man) has Azoo.sperm.ia. Yippe. Under timeline tab at the top I have a greater detailed timeline for the extremely curious lot of you.

We are out of town right now for my husbands work (I tag along and sight see), and fly home tomorrow. (BOOO HOOO..well…I AM ready to get to my own tub so I can try out my new LUSH purchases. hee hee).

I have friends that live here in Chic.ago- they are coming up again today to stay the night. We went last night to a Blac.khawks hockey game. They lost in shootout OT. Ugh. Every team I watch in person loses. Cub.s, Blackh.awks, Steel.ers, B.raves….Maybe I should go watch the Patriots during playoffs. :).

I will post more later about my adventures…and my dreams. Staying here has given me some REALLY crazy dreams.