Tag Archives: dIUI

Swhoosh.

We headed up to the BAU this past weekend to meet with Dr. 5000 and get our ultrasound. It was a good weekend- busy trying to see everyone that we needed to see. As per usual I am sure I ticked people off b/c they think b/c I come up there I need to be sure and go see them. NEVER occurs to some people to come where I AM. Since after driving 4 hours I might be a little damn tired of being in the fucking car.  It gets old. Whatev.

Anyhoo- we got to the appt early. Like a hour early. We had checked out of the hotel we stayed in (wanted to be near BWW so Kingman could drink) at 11am, and went to eat BBQ. It was all so fast, and we got to the clinic at 1230- our appt wasn’t until 130pm. LOL. I had my Nintendo DS, and Kingman had his Droid2, so all was good.

What was cool, is that they called us back at 1250!  Just quick history by the fellow, then blood pressure and all that good stuff. They had me undressed and waiting on the doctor by 1pm. They kept apologizing b/c he was still in a meeting (LOL- meaning he was eating still). So the fellow and the resident started on the ultrasound. It was funny b/c the resident was so timid with the vag-a-sound.  Turning it about 5 degrees either way, and not being able to see anything. LOL. I was about to say “Shove it in farther and ram it around crazy girl!!!” The fellow finally guided her what to do and things started showing up.

One little Sweet Oat. (just one! Phew)

o.m.g. It was crazy. Seeing a little cheerio that is the yolk sac, and the fluid filled gestational sac was just surreal. That was really inside ME. They were able to zoom in and get the heart beat. We could see the two separate chambers, and then…swhooosh, swhoosh, swhoosh of the heartbeat. So insane that in just about four weeks THAT was created. A tiny being that is so dependent on me- yet so much seperate with its own beating heart. Already.

Of course I started crying, and laughing…and shot all the pictures to hell and back b/c it is kinda hard to ultrasound a jiggling pelvis. It was crazy to laugh and SEE the little blob move. We got a few printed out pictures, that almost got crushed b/c Kingman was holding onto them so hard. He is so excited. I asked him if he felt any detachment b/c it wasn’t his sperm that created his child- and he said no. He said he had a fleeting second a little bit after the initial seeing/hearing it, but it was also relief. He said he realizes he would be MORE worried that something would be wrong with the baby if it was from him. His health issues have not been disproven to have a genetic link, so we would be terrified he would pass that through his genes. I am so glad to hear that, I was so worried what it would be like when the moment happened.

All of us girls with Azoo know this feeling. They say they are ready, but are they really? Are they just saying go ahead with this cycle to make us happy? Will the pull away and not have an attachment? I obviously can’t speak for all men-but it was totally all OURS. It is OUR baby. This is OUR pregnancy. This little Sweet Oat is going to be Kingman’s Prince or Princess. No further question in either of our hearts.

SO, if you are an Azoo girl, and you are reading this (or an Azoo guy)- it really doesn’t matter. Okay, it does, but it DOESN’T. It is hard to explain. Sigh.

Anyhoo- the doctor said that everything looked “Perfect”. See? I ALREADY have a perfect child. *ahem* 🙂 I measured exactly 6w0d, which is right on target with my LMP and IUI. So my tentative due date is 8/8/10.  I am going to be making FULL use out of my pool this next summer. LOL.

I am going to add a tab up at the top to keep the ultrasounds and other various pictures on- so if you want to see them you. I don’t want to alienate my girls that are still in the journey. I know it is hard to see those grainy black and whites- even if it is a fellow IFer. Feelings don’t stop just because it a comrade that has gotten on the pregnancy train.

🙂 I love you all, and want you all to experience this. If I could delay my pregnancy just one month to insure you all had BFPs I totally would. In my joy, I feel sorrow for pain I know is out there. I pray for you all every time I think about you guys.

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Yikes.

So, here I sit possibly pregnant? Just typing those words feel craaaaazy.   I guess the first inclination that something was going on was last week when I was having the crazy migraines. I have not been having any since then…..hmmm..

Then when we flew out on Wednesday to come out here to my sister, on the flight from ATL to MSP I had sudden nausea right after take off. Like grab the bag and pray no one minds I am about to hurl.  I never hurled, but I was sick most of the rest of the day.. Ugh. I even went into the bathroom and tried to hurl and couldn’t.

I managed the rest of the day okay except for the fact that i had major Shortness of breath. Thanksgiving day was even worse. I would get up and walk into the livingroom and then I would be short of breath that i felt like I was doing mountain climbers. UGH. I knew something was off at that point.

I waited until the Friday morning and then the Hubs and I decided to do a HPT in the AM. I peed, and there was immediately the faint line you see in the picture. WOW. The hubs was waiting for me in the bedroom (my niece’s), and he said he knew as soon as he saw my face that it was positive. He said it was exactly like when I walked into the room after his surgery. he didn’t need me to speak to him, he knew immediately what the answer was.

So, we hugged,kissed, all the typical “OMG there are two lines”  Tee hee.

The nausea is gone (I think it was so bad b/c I was sleep deprived and hungry), but this SOB is so very frustrating. The only other symptoms I can tell is that the veins on my boobs are extrememly blue.  I never in a hundred years could think they could possibly get bluer b/c I am so freaking pale anyways. LOL. Then I feel a ‘pulling’ sensation every once in a while in pelvis. It is weird- it is WHERE I have menstrual cramps- but a different feeling. I like to sleep on my stomach, but it seems that when I lay on my stomach it feels like I am tight as i rubberband in my pelvis area. So hard to explain….but that is the only way I know how.

I catch the hubs looking at me …studying me. Waiting to see if I hurl I guess. LOL…or if I suddenly get the ‘glow’. I am cautiously optomistic. I guess I w0n’t believe it until I have a baby in my arms. I have told you guys, and a few ppl IRL (my sister, BFFs, and well..that is all.) I have been trying to call my mom, but we keep playing phone tag. LOL. I am not going to really tell anyone else until we get an ultrasound. Then I will expand a LIIIIITTTLE more. Then I will tell some more people that knew we did a cycle- luckily we have great friends that realize no news is just that. No news- we will tell them when we tell them, and they are compassionate enough to know that it is either b/c it A) didn’t work or B)worked and we don’t want to spread it around in case something happens.

 

🙂

The immedite repsonse I got from my twitter friends was awesome. It is insane at how fast support can come- literally as quick as I could refresh my twitter account! 🙂 I haven’t been online much since i have been at my sisters- but wow. This was amazing.

O….Operation Impregnation-Second Wave

Today is brought to by the Letter O. In particular Operation Impregnation #2 happened today at around 1135am. It was a different Fellow on call that performed it. She wasn’t as put together as the first one- but whatever. She didn’t have nurses there to do it, and apparently there were a lot of IUIs today.  On the weekends we have to sign in at the security desk.  I know you are not supposed to look at the names etc…so I just looked at the destination. There were four people before us, then when we left 4 more had signed in. I never saw them- so who knows where they were put. I thought I heard some voices, but I dunno.

The procedure went well, I had a little discomfort with the speculum, but over all it was okay. The hubs just held my hand- didn’t do any cervix scoping this time. 🙂 He was super sweet.  I didn’t really have any cramping afterwards like I did before. That given- we left right after the procedure to drive home. We drove up there separately, so I stopped by a new used book store in town. OMG. It has only been open a few weeks, but HOLY COW! The building used to be a Goody’s store- and the whole thing is ridiculously full of books. INSANE! I got 4 audiobooks for 35 bucks. I love to listen to audiobooks while I drive b/c the ride gets booooooring listening to just music.

Anyhoo- we drove home, went and changed and headed to our local favorite bar to watch the Steelers lose fabulously. Ugh. What a sucky game tonight. Hopefully we will make it to the Playoffs so I can go to another game.

Anyhoodle- here I am gassy as all get out. I dunno what is going on, but I am crazy uncomfortable and passing gas like crazy. I might just blow out the troopers. LOL.

Night all.

Purgatory

So here I sit. One week into the DREADED 2ww (two week wait).

Going

out

of

my

mind.

I am trying hard not to obsess. My best friend Miss Sweetness made me promise that I wouldn’t obsess…easier said than done huh? I POAS the first few days and it was positive from the HCG, and then it was negative. I quit testing after that. It is extremely hard not to- I actually put the 18 that I have in trunk of my car.

I had to- or I knew I would POAS each and every morning. HA HA

That isn’t stopping the constant analysis.  Cramping…lots of cramping. It is worse in the wee hours of the morning- like 4am. This in and of itself isn’t anything new. I have uterine cramping all through the month. The King asked if it was normal period cramping…uh. Anyone that has endometriosis knows there is no “normal” cramping.

That said, I am STILL feeling tender on my right side that had the big follicle. What does that mean? Who the heck knows- or will ever know- but that doesn’t stop my obsessing.

I have had crazy GI issues- but then again, I am eating more veggies. Gah.

Anyhoodle.  Other than that, life has been pretty boring. I am going to post a secret PWP post with some pictures 0n our dIUI#1.

Miss Sweetness gave me some books. Feed the Belly and the Mayo Clinic’s Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy. It is pretty interesting reading. ESPECIALLY since the Feed the Belly book says that if you eat dry cereal you have a 5% higher rate of having a boy. Really? Humm…I thought the gender was determined by the X or Y chromosome that the sperm brought to the party. I could be wrong though. 

How is the not working going? Coupled with my first IUI 2ww?  Yeah- pretty much sucks ass.  Also the ass suckage is expounded by the fact I am not taking my Wellbutrin anymore….or my Ambien. To my credit, I only took the Ambien 2 to 3 times a week…but I tend to get in a vicious insomnia cycle. So exhausted that I can’t sleep. Then my anxiety kicks in. Last night I had my first insomnia/anxiety night…ugh. I lay there in bed and this is what my mind is saying:

“Why can’t I just go to sleep?Why do I still not have a bed frame? I am never going to find one. I found one, but dont’ want to spend a grand on it. I can’t believe we have lived here a year and still haven’t fixed the audio in this room. Or bought furniture. Or a dining room table. How are we ever going to afford all that if we are about to buy another vehicle. I dont’ want a $500 a month car payment- why does he want a new car? How are we going to sell this house? Another house in this subdivision has been on the market for 6 months. We can’t afford that and then move and pay for two houses. I want to move, but dont’ want to leave my friends here…okay, so I really only have two close friends here. Why can’t I get my house in order? I have to scan my receipts scanned into my Neat Receipts system. Are we going to owe taxes? Did I donate enough to get a tax deduction? Why haven’t I called the financial planner yet? Am I making the right decision by not working? I want to get more into church and have peace again. Is God going to spite me b/c I am not as active in fellowship as people think I should be? I believe in you God, I love you. I worship you, and trust you completely…but just hate hypocrisy of most churches………”

All the while, the thoughts racing more and more in my mind. The anxiety pressing down on my chest. During the light of day I KNOW these things are not worth all the lost sleep over….but in the dark of the night my worries are all-consuming.

SO- what do I do during the day? Enter in all my spices and items in my pantry into SuperCooks. I love that site. You enter in all your stuff and it generates what recipes you can make, and if there is receipt that needs one or two more ingredients it will suggest them also.  It pulls from different recipe sites, but my favorite is All Recipes. They have a virtual recipe box that you can keep your recipes. I have made a lot of great things off of there- and the reviews give lots of ideas to tweak the recipes to suit you. You can print then out full page, 3×5 or 4×6, and choose which reviews to print to help you remember the alternatives.

Apparently I can make 2000+ things from just what I have in my kitchen. Crazy huh?

Okay…so doncha hate DVRs when they cut off the preview? Watching Bones and I get “…and Booth will experience something that will change everyth-”

AAAAHHHHHH!

Seriously- I just cried over Bones being on the Science Dude. WTF? My body is certainly acting premenstrual. Grrrr.

Have I mentioned that 2ww suck donkey balls?

Well, it does.

Apparently right now

Zen

**SPELL CHECK ISN’T WORKING…yes, I know I am an eeejit***

So, what happened?

I got up early on Wednesday and drove up to my REs for an ultrasound. They wanted me there by 1030, and I came rolling in around 1025. Nothing like Last Minute Lucy, huh? Then I had to wait until around 1130 for the actual US. I didn’t know if I had to have a full bladder or not, so I didn’t want to pee. I also had to crap. I knew I couldn’t crap without peeing- so lets just say that was one of the world’s most uncomfortable vag-a-sound ever.

Anyhoo. They didn’t check any blood work, just checked the US. I was cycle day  13, and the had no idea why my test strips showed what they did. Nothing new- I always seem to throw people off. LOL.

They measured me, and right off the bat I had one follicle on the right that was 18. The left ovary was a little harder to find, and it was so funny b/c I swear she kept looking at a turd- and going “hmm…” then she would prod around and readjust. I know it was a terd b/c she was pressing hard, and I would feel like I was going to poop right on the table. LOL

Anyhoo- they found a second follicle on the left that measured 17. There were no other near mature ones. Some like 1 or 2 or so that would be next cycle.

My lining was “Textbook”, and I happy about that. I got my order for HCG (pregnyl) Thursday night, and then 815 saturday AM IUI. They informed me that I needed to have m y licsence the day of the procedure..uh….um…

Thank the LORD they accepted my passport. Or I would have had to drive back home to FL to get a new licsense made. Phew.

I went and visited a friend on Thursday, Thursday night The King got here, and gave me the HCG injection. That was interesting let me tell ya! I will have to get the pictures up when I get home. He is so very very careful about stuff. Took him about 20 minutes to get it all ready. The nurse in me was all “AAAHHHHH!!!!! Just mix it!” LOL. He was so excited to do it though, and he did an awesome job. No hesitation or anything.

Yesterday we chilled out. Went to the Thai Resturant that we went on our first date to. I stole an idea from Mommy To Be, and went to Build a Bear Workshop and made us a bear.

We got the black bear, b/c where my husband is from there are a lot of black bears…it was the only one he was all “AW- THIS ONE” about, and i loved them all. 🙂 We got to pick out two hearts, and just about made the lady cry that was doing it for us. I almost started crying, The King almost started crying. It was very, VERY sweet.

We headed over to my Uncle’s house and visited with him and my cousin. This is the Uncle whose wife passed away back in March. It was very good spending time with them. 

Then we came out to the Campers and chillaxed. Discovered I really like Yuenling Light, JUST in time to not be able to drink it for two weeks. Ugh.

The actual procedure was Saturday at *around* 820am. HA HA HA. Around. 🙂 It was surreal b/c there were NO people in this huge ass office building. When we went to the office- it was all dark. No check-in people- nothing. I had a moment of panic- were we in the right spot? Did I misunderstand the day? AHHH!!! Then a doctor came out and got us- after all that, it was a fellow in the RE program that did the actual IUI. She was super sweet, and did a fantastic job, so I won’t complain.

It was just The King, me and the doctor. No nurse. No people in the hallway- no people int he next room talking. Nothing. I guess that was about as intimate attempt to concieve as we can get.  The Fellow even let The King watch. Like- watch, watch. Not just “here I am pushing in the syringe…but “here is her cervix, and there is her os. The entire procedure he was holding my hand and all up in my business. LOL. How funny huh? I didn’t care, and he like being able to be part of it. My sweet husband even remarked at what a nice cervix I had. HA HA HA. Ahh, the compliments we women will take. 

The Fellow said that the sample was ‘awesome’. 15 million motile sperm, and wonderful swimmers. Much to The King’s relief, the SEALS (ha ha- get it? Troopers that swim?) didn’t look like actual semen. (oh my, how punny). The medium that the clinic put them in was actually a pinkish color- thin-ish consistency. I got to keep them warm and cozy while she set up every thing. I think I almost cracked the vial I was squeezing so hard. LOL. 🙂 As far as the rest of the numbers about motility, etc. She didn’t get into the actual numbers, and I didn’t think to clarify. Now I wish I had b/c I have to have SOMETHING to think about, and analyse…and talk about. LOL. Other than 15 million motile, awesome and wonderful swimmers. I have no clue what they were like.

The doc did tell my husband that donor sperm concieved children are very common- but no one ever knows about it b/c no one talks about it. Too true.  Not like I can say anything about it- not like we are telling everyone either. I think we are pretty open- but to a degree. Would we be this way if we were adopting? Heck no. Would I be pretending I was pregnant if we had an adoption in the works to pass it off as my own? Hell no. Why can’t I just come out and say it?

Okay, soapbox….dismount.

As far as the procedure- the worse part was the speculum. It freakin’ HURTS! The catheter they used was a 6.5 french- so it was teeeny tiny. It was a weird feeling b/c I could feel the wiggly catheter inside like a ticklish cramp. The cramp wasn’t bad, and before I knew it- OVER! She had us lay there for 10minutes, although she said it wouldn’t hurt if we got up- but it is just what they do more to give us peace of mind.

After it was all over with we to breakfast. Seriously- we were out of there by 840.

The awesome part was that we to eat at “Another Broken Egg Cafe”. Tee hee hee. How fitting is that. I was mildly crampy by that time, but nothing bad. The King was giddy, and after I whined about being crampy- he informed the waiter when he came to take our order that “She is Crampy” He informed him SO proudly, like he was anouncing that I was pregnant.

W.T.F?!?  My jaw dropped and I couldn’t stop laughing. The poor waiter was alll “Uh, sorry- I um, erm…”  HA HA HA HA. Then the good old hubs said “b/c she is so hungry”.
Crazy guy. HA HA.

We bought a couple of coffee cups- peachy/pink and a tealish blue.  Hope all this superstitious stuff doesn’t come back to bite me in the ass.
The hubs thinks that I am 100% going to get pregnant on this 1st try. I am trying not to get to optimistic b/c the fall is hard. The hubs thought the UroGod was going to find sperm also…and we all know how that went.

Anyhoo. I can totally feel that I ovulated or something b/c my right ovary is seriously tender like it gets every month. I had a sharp stab at breakfast yesterday, so I really think I was ovulating then. Last night I got a really bad cramp and almost barfed a cookie I was eating- I think that might have been a delayed HCG side effect? Either that or my liver was rebelling b/c everyone was drinking BUT ME!

I feel a lot better this AM. Still crampy like I am about to start my period- but I KNOW that isn’t the case. Even if I don’t get pregnant, I am not due to start until the 31st.  So the overanalysiing of symptoms beging.

I probably just need to shit.

We are enjoying our time with the Campers and their 3 month old. Tomorrow I am going to go visit Miss Sweetness and the Monkey! I am beyond excited about that. I miss her so much.

Then I am heading home on Tuesday to obsess daily. We are actually going to New Orleans on Halloween for the Steelers v Saints game. **GO STEELERS** That is going to be RIIIIIGHT around the my testing time. They don’t do betas at my clinic- only call when results of test after missed period..or call when you have a period. So. The next day of my period is due the day of the game (I have 31 day cycle).  Do I test before the game? After? Hell- I am going to be in New Freaking Orleans!! If it is negative I am getting some Hand Grenades and burying my sorrow.  Do you all test and follow the HCG shot leaving your body?

Are you paranoid about a beer the day of the IUI? I mean it might not even be fertilized. Just curious.

I am off to root for the Steelers. Lets send the Browns to the DAWG POUND!

Here’s some Lead for ya.

okay, I suck. I know I suck. We all know I suck.

My last post was all “I am going to post more” blah, blah, blah.That was over a month ago! I sit down to post, and I have a lot to post about, but I don’t. I just sit here. Then I check my twitter, and post there then I find  I can’t post on here. I have posting ADD. Kinda stupid huh?

What the heck is new with me?
Well…..Bullets anyone? Let me shoot you all and give you lead poisoning

  • Went to London 9/8 through 9/23. Well actually left London on 9/22, but had an overnight stay in Toronto.
  • Took 2895 pictures, and 390 video shorts. Although 350 of those videos have the first words of “Oh shit, I have it on video”, and the video ends.
  • Trying to winnow it down to make a DVD slide show for my mom. 🙂
  • Lost my job- well had the option of going basically full time, and working every other F/Sa/Su and chose not to.  I actually called my boss’s bluff b/c she was sitting there to write down the days I would work when I told her no.
  • I am still getting emails on shifts that are open. ?!?! I can’t find another job in the hospital system that I want. 
  • I am being a housewife. Trying to enjoy it.

IF related:

  • Finally picked a donor for our IUI. This is a scary, terrifying, exciting time.  I picked my top 14 picks and gave them to The King. I kept my top three to myself. He narrowed them down to 6 and had his top three. Two out of three of our top three matched. One was unavailable (ARGH!), the number two for both of us is the one we are going with.
  • I have learned that if you read too many reviews on sperm banks you will have a panic attack. I read so many bad reviews of ANY bank I researched that I almost figured we wouldn’t ever have a baby.
  • I am currently on cd10. I started my period on October 1st, so it is making it REALLY easy for a numskull like me to keep up with it.
  • WE ARE CYCLING THIS MONTH.  OMFRIGGINGAWD!
  • I took Femara on cd3-7. THANK GOD for the whole CD1=October 1 thing…cause apparently I am a kick ass RN that can’t read the directions on some of the most important pills I may ever take in my life. I spazed out when I read the directions I guess b/c the directions said “Take 2 pills every day on cycle days 3 through 7.” Apparently in my well educated MEDICAL mind I translated to twice a day. On the last two days I realized they meant take both pills at ONCE. Duh.
  • My REs nurse said that it was okay…’should’ still work. Sigh.

Interesting Sunday:

  • I bought a fridge today. The Kingman is so excited to get it b/c it will have an icemaker. I don’t use ice much (only in mixed drinks), so the icemaking/buying is his responsibility.
  • I got a killer deal on my fridge. 30% off- so basically only paid a little more than the sticker price. LOL.
  • I made the lady at the store tear up b/c she got my sale. I am guessing they work on commission. Her husband died last year, and she had to come out of retirement after 10 years to come back to work. Even the other guy in the appliances dept. wanted her to get the sale- he actually talked to me earlier, but let her have it. The guy told me later that I will never know what the sale did for her today…he said he prayed for a good sale for her today. Wow.  I am tearing up now thinking about.
  • I filled out the online survey to give her kudos. I hope that helps her.
  • I bought a coffee today, and spilled it ALL OVER myself and basically the entire front of my car. So gross. I had nothing to clean it up with except kotex. Seriously. I am frightened of how my car is going to smell since it was a skinny cinnamon dolce latte. BLECH.
  • Left my license at the store I bought the fridge at. Didn’t noticed until I tried to buy something with my AMEX and they actually looked at the back that had “See ID”. I had no ID. Grrrrr.
  • My recyclable bag broke at CVS. Bottom dropped out. Jackoff rescanned it all since he had to give me a plastic bag and couldn’t give the me “Green Tag” buy for the Extra Care Bucks.

So that is my life in an nutshell. (That is a shout out to you Chelle for checking on me. 🙂   I have more to post about…like my husband’s breakdown and anxiety over having a child….but only so much I can do at once.

I would hate for my fingers to fall off. LOL.

PS I have an IRL ‘friend’ (acquaintance) that had her adoption fall through. She was matched with the birth mom pretty early in the pregnancy. They have been through IF for many, many years with IUIs IVF, etc. They had the room ready, had a shower, and went out of state when the mom went into labor. On the 3rd day after the birth, the mother changed her mind. It is so heartbreaking. Please say some prayers for her. Or send some good karma…or light a candle. Whatever floats your spiritual boat- I think love from afar will be felt by her.

Ta ta peoples.

I will be posting some photos from London…but they will be PWP. See tab above if you are not sure about the secret password protected word instructions.