Tag Archives: IF Support

ICLW- International Comment Leaving Week

The list is up to get signed up for Junes ICLW over at The Stirrup Queens. It stands for International Comment Leaving Week…but also “I Come Leave We”, meaning….well, hopefully you can figure that out. 🙂 THIS post explains it.

I love ICLW, and even on months I don’t sign up I will go down the list and find new blog to add to my google reader. I figured I am going to commit to doing one more before the baby gets here. I haven’t done one in a while, so lets get this party stared!! 🙂

Go over and add yourself! Great way to find new friends and an awesome support system!!!


IComLeavWe: Join the Conversation


New Guy Blogger

I have recently connected on Twitter with the male half of couple trying hard to start their family. His story is touching, and he is needing to reach out and connect with others.

I won’t tell you all the of the story- b/c you need to go check out his blog, but lets just say they need some cheerleaders. 🙂

He has just started his IF blog, and I would love it if you all went over and gave him a big old ALI community HOWDY!

The IVF Rooster is also on the Twitters too! Maybe we can get Mrs. Rooster online too??!? 🙂 Hope so.

ALSO- those TTC/Looking to deliver in 2012 and are on Twitter…check out TTCteam2012. Awesome cheerleader!!!!

Ooey Gooey Love

I am so very blessed to have so many awesome friends. I may not have that many in the town I live in- but thankfully the few I have are AWESOME.

What has been my sanity and saving grace for the last 2 years (have I really been blogging that long??!?)  has been all my bloggy friends. I have had a chance to meet one in person- Blossom and Her Fruit. She is due any day! She hasn’t blogged in a while, but we have kept in touch a little here and there.  I met her when I went to Chicago  in 2009. It was such a blessing- and I am so happy for her and the soon to be birth of her twins!!

I have met so many great people on this blogosphere. I have a friend IRL that refereed once to people met online as “fake friends”. She wasn’t talking about me, but rather someone else in her life. I didn’t say anything, b/c nothing I can say will make her understand the support system and love that you all give me. To each other….all to “strangers”. Are we really? We turn to these blogs to talk about our most personal feelings- about things we can’t talk to our “real” friends about.

I must admit- I am BLESSED to have several IRL friends I can share pretty much EVERYTHING with. Even uber fertile ones that acknowledge the pain and emptiness I felt with each BFP announcement… BUT. You are that ones that “GET IT”. As much as my IRL friends love me beyond measure…they don’t ‘GET IT’.  Not as a knock to them- I wouldn’t want them to have to understand.

I am just so thankful for you all.  After a while in the blog world, I ventured over to twitter. I had a personal account, but I found that more and more people that I had exchanged emails in the ALI (Adoption/Loss/Infertility) online community were adding me. I then started seeing all the support and love happening….I wanted MORE! I changed my twitter over to match my blog and blocked all IRL people except the ones I trusted …and became an IF tweeter.

The support has blown me away. If you feel like comments on your blogs are hugs- then the flurry of replies to your news (bad/good/etc) will feel like a down right orgy. The support is amazing.

It is funny b/c I will tell people that don’t know about my IF mostly twitter about something I read on twitter. A news story, something funny, etc, and I am met with “You do twitter?”  Sometimes I am worried I will get an “oh- I do too, what is your handle” (or whatever it is called). There are some people I just don’t want to follow me on there.

I have bounced around the idea of a ‘fake’ twitter. A decoy…one that any IRL peeps that are not in my IF circle could stumble across. Sigh…just seems like too much work.

I am SOOOOOOO off course here.

What I am getting around to is that yesterday I had a box on my front porch. I was expecting a box from an IRL friend in TX, so I wasn’t too surprised. Then I saw that it was from another state. Odd.

I opened it and saw wrapped packages. THAT I knew was wrong. I started grinning b/c I knew it was from one of my IF friends. One of my “fake” friends (can I BOLD the quote marks please?).

Beautiful Card!

Opened the beautiful card to find wonderfully sweet words of congratulations.

Foxy Popcorn is one thoughtful, sweet, and compassionate “fake” friend. I am blessed to have her in my life and in my corner.

Opened the box and what do I see?

I opened them and teared up. It was so sweet, and the first homemade thing I have got for the baby. It is even more special b/c she made it, and she is in the trenches with me. To think that she took the time to pick out the fabric, measure, sew, etc- all for my baby- just humbles me.

Back side of blanket is sooooo soft! LOVE IT!

.Hand made quilt and Burp Cloth from Foxy

I know there will be more home made gifts- my best friend is DYING to make stuff, and another is going to monogram stuff after the baby comes.

THIS is special. It was the first for the first


Sarah and Chris are having an auction of some awesome stuff- GO CHECK IT OUT NOW!!!

(this is their IRL blog, so try not to reference the ALI community or out her IF blog persona…she wants to keep her IF blog private from certain people- as many of us can understand)

This is to help raise the rest of the money due for their adoption. Their baby is due the April 15…so this is UBER important!!!

Auction ends March 14th at 5pm…so go there now!


The Fear

I think infertility can  not be summed up with one word…but one word can describe what people feel  when struggling on their journey to build their family..before, during, and after.


We all pretty much started out happy as clams, popping birth control pills and donning condoms because we feared we would be a statistic. A teenage pregnancy, an unwed mother, or a baby daddy. The Fear caused us to wait with bated breath every month until our period would start. How many times did you or a friend have a pregnancy scare? I am willing to bet everyone.

Then some of us got married, some stayed single by choice- but we weren’t ready for a baby. There wasn’t enough money, didn’t have a good job, wanted to party, wanted SOMETHING other than what we had right then. We feared for our loss of self. We feared for lack of being  to provide a ‘good’ life (I put that in quotes b/c it seems at a young age we seem to think money is required to be a good parent….it isn’t). The Fear.

Then we evolve to the conscious effort to conceive. For those that married- we enter the Happy Clam phase where we think it will be easy peasy breasy. Give me a wine cooler or a bottle of Boone’s Farm and I will be knocked up before the streetlights come on…just like all those kids from highschool did. The Fear is still there…niggling. What if we AREN’T ready? What if we never get to Hawaii now?

And we wait….and wait….The Fear whispers. The velvet tendrils sneak into your brain. You have friends tell you to relax, you have family members talk about how they did this and that, your doctors poo poo you. The Fear has taken hold but good now. The seductive tune it sings is not wanted, but you can’t turn away.

Finally you stand up to the fear. You seek answers, explanations. Why is this not working? Why does this hurt? Why am I so alone? We try to arm ourselves with the battle of warfare against The Fear: knowledge, answers, support.

The doctors appointments come and go. For every answer there are two more questions. For every success story you hear are two heartbreakers. For ever discovery there is another mystery. For every solution there is one.more.problem.  For every week closer seems like another month delay . All along the way The Fear has a way of reinventing itself, conforming to the situation. It is a slick little fucker.

The tests and surgeries. Medications and therapies. Western medicine, Eastern medicine. The months of ‘waiting to see’ how such and such does. The trial and error. The Hope.  All of these things are akin to petri dishes to grow The Fear to epic proportions.

THEN after you have Fear the size of a Macy’s day balloon tethered to you that you can’t escape- the treatments start. IUI, IVF, DE,DS….whatever. It starts.

You fear the medications are not right, you wait with your heart in your throat for the number and US findings. The Fear is right by your side at every appointment whether it is invited or not. For some of us, The Hope can sit on it and deafen sirens song. I think this is related to how many times you have been through it. Each cycle The Hope is beaten down, and The Fear hulks up.

The Fear curls up in our mind during the 2ww. Like a loa loa worm it sits in the eyes- makes you see danger everywhere. That cup of coffee you drank, the day you forgot your vitamin….all harbingers of something horrible. The Fear rings in your ears like tinnitus, making you crazy.

You would think that when you got a BFP The Fear would shrink. The HCG coursing through your blood like chemotherapy. Oh no. It doesn’t. The ugly truth is what few will admit…..or if they do, few talk about. The Fear is fed by HCG. It is fed by progesterone. The velvet tendrils are now icy rivers flowing through your blood, and squeezing your heart.  The Hope is trying, and gains strength with every ultrasound…but those are far and few between.

The Fear has you censoring your words with the women and men that have supported your journey- even though you KNOW you shouldn’t.

The Fear digs deeper if you have no morning sickness…no major cravings. No food aversions. The Fear messes with your head in ways no sociopath could ever fathom. It makes you buy fetal dopplers and press on your tummy every 2 hours even though you KNOW at 10 weeks neither will show anything.

The Fear makes you look away from cribs, bottles, and onesies instead of embracing them.

The Fear keeps your news silent- only a select few know. The Fear has you sneak into maternity shops for bella bands like you are a preacher visiting a whore house crack den. You avoid people and parties. You flat-out lie.

What makes The Fear go away? A sweet goo-ing poo-ing baby snuggled in your arms?


That my friends, in only the beginning.

That is the crux of the situation. It will never go away. The trick is learning to live with it, and to nurture The Hope and Joy.

I am having a hard time doing that lately, but I am trying.



The Best of the Adoption/Loss/Infertility Blogs of 2010

Support Needed

A blogger needs love. LOTS OF LOVE.

Christina just lost her father, and she recently lost her mom too. I don’t know what else to do, but pray for her and shower her with love.


S is for Support.

Today I was supposed to have the support group. There was no one there again.

I have gone to the local RE (who was chilly b/c I am not getting treatment there, and was still trying to get me too)

I have talked to the ob/gyn groups, but they won’t ever pinpoint a day for me to come in. I left flyers at the pharmacy builletin boards.

I GIVE UP. I know I shouldn’t. I know I should keep trying- but I don’t feel it anymore.