Tag Archives: MESA

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The Plan

Okay, I have so much I need to post! This past weekend was crazy busy, but it all turned out okay.

Rewind to last Thursday. I told The King that since he has been through the ringer he could rent a “cool” car to go up for our appointment last weekend. We had to drive separate cars b/c he was coming later than  me, and he had to leave Saturday for work. I didn’t leave until Monday (yesterday)

He was going to get a convertible but Alamo couldn’t find the keys (???). They gave a free upgrade to a 2010 Camero!! WOOO HOOOO!!!

~Friday: I saw Dr. 5000 to figure out our plan. My husband got to go with me, and I am SO GLAD he did! Dr.5000 explained to the Kingman that with SCO(sertoli cell only testicle) there is about a 0.5% chance of finding some, and even less that the sperm would result in a good fertilized egg. Woah. He said he has not ever seen a case of a live birth from a case like ours.  That really helped clear up a lot of The Kings questions.

Here is the kicker: NO IVF!!!!  I was thinking he would recommend IVF from the start secondary to my endometriosis, but he said that he didn’t want to put my body through that if it wasn’t necessary. He said that he didn’t want to the IUI with my natural cycle, but just ‘give me a boost’. I hold in my hand (okay in my wallet) a prescription for Letrozole.  I haven’t priced it yet- have any of you used this? Know what it costs? The cost of IUI is $295. yup. only $295.

I am beyond ecstatic.

The Doc said when we look through the Donors and pick one, have it shipped to them. They will prep the Troopers and prepare them for the IUI. They want unwashed b/c they like to wash and prepare the sample themselves (is that normal?)   After we pick the donor and we are ready, I take the letrozole on days 3-5 of my cycle. I test for ovulation, and call the day of my LH surge by 3pm, and plan on coming in for my IUI the next day.

THIS is going to be interesting.  #1. I gave my super expensive fertility monitor to my cousin who is having trouble getting pregnant. I thought I would never need it- b/c we would be doing IVF and would be triggered to ovulate. Ooops. I can’t ask for it back! Anyone have one I could borrow or buy?!?!?!   She has been trying since September and I can’t take it back. 😦

#2 I live 4.5 hours away from where we are getting our treatment done. My husband has a seriously busy ass, inflexible job. He can’t just “call in sick” for a day. On any given day there are 20 to 30 patients expecting to see him. They don’t understand when he has an emergency, etc. They think doctors never have a life outside of work. Sigh. I am already stressing that The Kingman will not be there. 😦

We got a brochure from a huge sperm bank at the REs office, and The Kingman was astounded at all the samples in there. He was getting pretty excited over it- even made the comment that “It only makes sense to get our children from an online profile, since we found each other from an online profile.” 🙂 LOL! (We met on eHarmony)

He is doing better every day. We are reading some books suggested to us. “Helping the Stork”, and “Mommies, Daddies, Donors and Surrogates”. I didn’t think he would read them, but he is! YEAH!

As far as when we are going to do it, The Kingman said he is still grieving. He thinks that he will be ready when we go from “I wish we could have a baby that is ‘really‘ ours” to “We are having ‘our’ baby.” Of course I popped of with “How long do you think it is going to take you to get there, b/c I am already there” I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t going to be another year. It took him a year to do his MESA. He said it wouldn’t be that long….let’s hope it isn’t.

So that is where we stand.

IUI after we pick out a donor and my husband is ready. 🙂

I am looking for some counselors in the area for us to go to, and The Kingman has agreed to go (he actually suggested it)

Now I wait. Again. STORY OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!

I will post soon about the BabyPalooza weekend. I must go be productive for at least a few hours. LOL!

Opening Up. Trying The Unknown.

Wow. Let me first off just say- WOW.  I don’t know if it is the roxycodone, the being waiting on hand and foot, a side effect of the anthesthia- but The Kingman is…different.

Perhaps it is the loss of something he didn’t know he really wanted (biological children), or that on of his worst fears is realized and I am still by his side. Maybe a combination of all the above. All I know is that I am falling more in love with him, and I am thankful for that.   I have read of couples developing chasms after an azoospermia diagnosis, and of withdrawal/anger/etc.  I can tell that I have people praying for us, and sending us good thoughts. I will never EVER take that for granted. I saw a prayer with each blog post I read, and I can feel that at least SOMEONE is doing that for us.

We are Post Op Day 4 (REALLY? WTF have I been?), and The Kingman is doing good! He didn’t really have any swelling- which is good b/c he was terrified of having two grapefruits between his legs. 🙂  The is some bruising actually around the base of his penis, but no swelling or hematoma. His incision looks great (although awfully long- maybe 1.5 inches), and is healing nicely. He goes back to work tomorrow, but I think he could have used one more day off of work. He tried to go today without taking any of the oxycodone, but he only made it until about 11am. Although, it must be stated that he stood at our kitchen counter for about 35-40 minutes doing work from home on his computer immediately prior to the pain.

He actually sat down on the couch and said “Honey, I feel really pre-syncopal”  HA HA. Leave it to a medical professional to say that! Most people would say “I feel like I am going to pass out” or “I feel lightheaded”….no my husband busts out the “pre-sycopal”. As his pale face turned towards me, and his hand reached out…..I couldn’t help but laugh. “Pre-syncopal?” “Really?”

I got him a dose of the oxycodone and he was good after that. I put a call into the Nurse Practitioner at the UroGods office to make sure he could take NSAIDs (he could) and to ask about the stitches. We were led to believe that the wound was closed with glue- but I see some prrreeeetttty big as stitches. Turns out they are dissolvable- but they take around 2-3 weeks to dissolve.  The NP said (I shit you not) “If they (the stitches) get prickly on his prick…uh, I mean, uh, um…*ahem*  Hecanjustcoveritwithanonstickgauze.  I am so sorry for that, I didn’t mean…”

HA HA HA. I just laughed, and reassured him that was fine- I have a good sense of humor. 🙂   Anyhoo- they wrote him for some Tramadol to take at work, but I doubt he will take it. He doesn’t like to take anything when he is working. Tomorrow he has a full day of patients, and he is on call. He figures he is going to stay in his office, and have the nurses bring him the patients to his office. LOL! He will do fine if he doesn’t have to stand or walk for extended periods of time.  Wish him luck!!!

He has done a 180 in this IF ‘thing’. He is now so in tune with all that I have been going through and feeling the last  2 years.  He has been so open and honest with me- it is wonderful. Perhaps it is b/c he has now been told he can’t *have* his own child. Biologically that is, and that has made him realize that he does want it very badly. He is amazed I am still by his side (um, okay- I don’t know what vows he repeated, but mine said “for better or worse, sickness and health….I meant it too!!!), and he sees that having a family will complete us.

I am floored by all this. He has been so affectionate it is almost overwhelming b/c he had lost that part of him the last 1.5 years. It is wonderful. In some strange way this is bringing us closer to each other- has anyone else felt this way before? Are we crazy?

He has been opening talking about our IF with people. This past Friday our friends (that we stayed with after the surgery) had a couple over for his b’day. They were a super sweet couple, and I really liked them. It was obvious that The Kingman had surgery. He was walking around with an icepack on his ‘nads for goodness sake. What shocked me was that he was so open about our infertility struggle with the guy when they were all out on the porch.  The girls were inside, and the new friend asked if I was trying to have get pregnant b/c of a vague comment I made to Mrs. Camper (who is preggo, and has her shower next weekend)…..I should have realized she was an IFer then and there b/c it takes one to spot one a mile away. You girls (and guys) know what I mean. I replied with my usual blasé, noncommittal response that is so scripted I think all my close friends could recite it too.

Then about 5 minutes later my husband went to the bathroom and I followed to see if I could help (yeah, I was helping him- gotta make sure the giblets heal properly!!)…and he said “I told Mr.NewFriend about my surgery, our infertility, and how were are going to have to do IVF. Turns out they are having problems too. Did you tell Mrs.NewFriend?..you should talk to her, and tell her  about  *our* blog friends.”       um…WHAT?!?!??!  Mr. Privacy himself?!?  I was floored.  So a little bit later I brought it up to Mrs. NewFriend, and turns out she has a known problem, and they going to be gettting treatment soon. Woah. See what I mean?

It takes one to know one.

****Let me interject with- WHY ARE ALL THE PEOPLE WE GET ALONG WITH NOT LIVING IN THE SAME CITY AS US?!!?!?!?!*****

Anyways…that is the opening up part of my title. My Husband is okay with talking about our IF…maybe not perhaps the Azoo/DI part of our journey- but the vague “we are infertile and getting help” part- he is okay with.

Wow.

He is also all into this blog now. I am timid to share b/c it has been such a private place for me- my outlet, my refuge…those that have been following awhile understand. Those that are new- I moved over to WordPress from Blogger b/c I also keep a ‘IRL’ Blog that my family and friends follow. I was scared I would post on the wrong blog, or comment under the wrong profile. I lived in fear- especially b/c my venting on my blog could probably hurt some feelings. I moved over to WordPress b/c I can keep the blog mostly open, but still password protect the posts that might offend or hurt someone who knows me IRL.  Those in the know also know that I keep the same password for them all. The Secret word never changes. If you are new and want the password- I just request that you have a blog. I want to verify who you are. I am leery of new blogs and email only requests- please understand why.   I do have to say though- most of the time those password protected ones are pretty good.

I also PWP posts that have pictures of me or other identifying features. 🙂 I have been trying to protect my husband b/c of the line of work he is in.

Okay- so  for trying the Unknown.

My husband is a creature of habit. He we ate pizza, hummus, buffalo wings, sushi, or Burritos every night for the rest of our natural lives- he would be fine with that. If the only movies we could ever watch were Pulp Fiction, Inglorious Basterds, Kill Bill..and a few others..he would be delighted. He likes what he likes, and he sees NO reason to try anything new. Why? If you already KNOW you like the burrito, why order the chimmichanga? He always gets the #1 meal at Arby’s, Wendy’s and McDonalds. The plus side is that he is so easy to pick food up for. The downside is that he doesn’t like new things. That requires him to be out of his comfort zone, and that is not good.

SO- this whole azoo thing initially through him for a loop. We did cry- not as much as I thought we would though.  I think what got him through is the fact that I was so prepared for it. I wasn’t blindsided like he was. I didn’t have a Pollyanna attitude about it. I also knew that isn’t the end of our journey. It isn’t a death sentence. I know so many couples that are so happy and complete with their child conceived with donor sperm. I have seen the pictures  and read the blogs for over a year now.

For him it was all new. He didn’t know the stories. He hadn’t been thru the pain and heartache reading blogs of people going through the same thing, and he hasn’t seem them come out the other side.

I KNOW it will all be okay- and I think that really helped him cope. That helped him get through this more intact and less bruised.

I have you girls (and guys) to thank for that. He now realizes all those times I was clickity clacking on the computer blogging, commenting, clicking links, and tearing up were part of my healing process. You all helped me to fortify my mind before the big blow- I was able to be a strong woman for my husband from what I have learned for you all. Your comments, your love, your hope…and also following through all your struggles.

He “gets” blogging now. He gets the uniqueness of the IF community. He is appreciative.

Okay- so why is all THIS making me sob like a baby?!?! Geez I am a dork.

He is on board with the Donor Sperm(DS). Wow.  He wants to seek counseling. WOW.

On our way home yesterday we stopped at the Cracker Barrel for dinner. Of course we were sat right by a table with two small children- the youngest being a baby of around 7-8 months. Normally he would not have even noticed the kids. Unless they started screaming.  He was the one facing them, and they were behind me. He just stared, and smiled. He said “I can do that. I want to do that. I want that life. We are going to have a baby- we are doing Donor Sperm”.

Are you sick of all the sap and gooey crap yet? LOL!

Just wait…when it gets closer to the end of the week, I will be a babbling mess again. Hell, who knows…maybe I will even blunk for you. 🙂

PS- my sweet husband FINALLY realized the torture I go through with The Campers being pregnant. The happiness for them juxtaposed with grief for ourselves. He realized how hard this coming weekend is going to be. He realized we would have already had a baby, long ago, if we would have been quicker with his diagnosis.  it is so sweet for him to realize it.

I wouldn’t change a thing though- b/c he wasn’t ready until now. I need him to be 100% to terms with it all before we move forward. I think he almost is. We still have some stuff to work through, but we will get there.

Hopefully my body will live up to the challenge and not let us down.

OH- you are all awesome if you made it this far!!

my email is babymakingjourney at gmail dot com        The name is from my blogger blog. I couldn’t use it on wordpress b/c it was already taken…but think Bumpy Journey is so much more appropriate.

Night all!!!

Thank You!!!

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You girls and husbands ROCK!!!!

I will post more later, I hate tapping out posts on my Droid.
The King is currently getting prepped

Okay…how cool is the “bear paws” gown?

*745am…they have him intubated and surgery has started!!!!! AAAAHHH!!!!!