Tag Archives: The King

For The Love of Football

Gotta love a good game. This weekend we went to Pittsburgh and went to the divsional game between the Ravens and the Steelers. My hubs is from Pitt, and I discovered early on that it was either learn and love football or hit the road. Luckily, I picked it up pretty easy, and I actually really do like it. It didn’t help that the only real team I felt partial to up to that point was the Chicago Cubs…and lets face it- they are not a winning team. So for my new team to win spectacularly at the first Super Bowl, the first season I watched- I WAS HOOKED!!!!!
I got a taste of winning and it felt good. 🙂
Since then we have developed our network of Steeler friends. Sunday or Monday hellos at the bar have turned into awesome friendships that have stayed in place since our move 4 hours away. I went to my first game the fall of 2005 and it sucked. It was cold, wet, and we lost. TO THE BENGALS. Ugh. Of course that was the last game we lost on our way to Super Bowl XL…but the game still sucked.
We have not been to anoth3er game until this year, and THIS year we have done it up style.
We went to the Steelers vs Saints game in New Orleans (NOLA for New Orleans, LA). We went to that game the weekend I was due my period after IUI#1. I knew on the Wednesday before the game that I was going to start. I already had my breakdown, and i had accepted it. My husband hadn’t given up hope- but I KNEW. The cramps, etc. etc. I had to take an HPT before our first drink on Saturday- and drink I did.
The next morning when I started by period, I was fine with it. I already grieved. My husband had not- he was still freaked out that I drank and hadn’t started my period.
It was all okay….I even got to make my next cycle plans with my RN dead drunk at Harrah’s casino. LOL. Who can say THAT?

We were in Pittsburgh for the New Year and watched the last game with Kingman’s childhood friends. everything all Steelers. It was awesome, and that got us both wishing we could go to a game. We ‘just checked’ on the cost of tickets….we ‘took a look at airplane tickets’. I don’t’ know if it was the change in the zodiac chart or what, but our stars aligned. We got the cheapest airfare we have ever had, and found PERFECT seats at the stadium. It wasn’t CHEAP, but it was totally doable. It was a weekend vacation, but we figured after august there won’t be any of those like we normally do.

So we went back this past weekend. It was AWESOME! The weather was good- not perfect- but good. In the 40s- and so nice that I didn’t wear my jacket during the game.
I wore a shirt that said “Steelers Fan in Progress” with an arrow pointing down towards my hoo haa. I guess it is supposed to be pointing at my ute, but it looked funny. 🙂
Like my vag was going to be a wide receiver or something. LOL. Would that play get an Illegal Touching call? LOL!

Side tracked much? Anyhoo- after the awesomeness that was the Steelers win this weekend- we did the “oh, wouldn’t it be cool to go to the AFC championship game?”
We looked at prices, and we decided it was too much to do two weekends in a row.
My husband was so sad. Sad like he had to get castrated sad. Seriously- I haven’t seen him THAT sad since our horrible news of the Azoo.
I thought to myself…”Self…how can we make him happy…that won’t cost a zillion dollars?”
A little light bulb went off in my head. “HELLO?!?!?! SELF-you have 125,000+ Skymiles! You haven’t redeemed your AMEX points in forever……you MIGHT could pay for the airfare and tickets with different Perk points.”

I looked up some stuff…and sure enough- I figured out a way to get it all for a $20 award ticket redemption fee on Delta.com. Then I just cashout my AMEX points and all it good.

I have never seen my sweet husband so giddy! I did draw the line and said NO- we are NOT going to the Super Bowl. Luckily Kingman agrees with me.

We are excited to be going, and know we are lucky to have this opportunity. We don’t have to pay for hotel or rent a car while we are there. Those are big expenses also, and it helps so much.

Pictures will be in my next secret post. 🙂

Steeler fan or not- watch the game on Sunday night. It is going to be a great one- I am going to be on the Home side on the first row of the upper deck. You really can’t ever see us, but just so you know where we are. 🙂 533 row A. 🙂

Peace out.


How Cat Shit and A Gnome Changed My Life


Everyone has a story on how they became engaged. Most are at least “AWWWWW” worthy. Few are EWWWWW worthy.  Those that know me well, know that NOTHING is ever normal in my life.  My engagement is one of them. 🙂


Here is the story of how cat shit and a gnome changed my life.

Let me set the stage..December, 2006. Kingman’s two bedroom apartment.


It starts with my cat crapping and pissing all over the extra bedroom…the bedroom Kingman’s parents were to be staying in a few days (they came Christmas night). I spent Friday (the 22nd) moving all the furniture out of the living room and extra  bedroom (by myself and my herculean strength) so that they could come and clean the carpets. I cleaned and deodorized as much as I could. I worked my flipping ass off. So on Saturday morning M. The Kittie (the rebelling cat) decided that the clean carpet was akin to a freshly scrubbed toilet and crapped in the middle of the hallway. So she was rewarded with getting locked in the bathroom while I cleaned and made sure there wasn’t any more.

(Side note- M. The Kittie has feline diabetes and i swear had the cat equivalent  of IBS When she was stressed, she got rumbly in the tumbly)

After a while I had moved onto the next task to get ready for Christmas, Kingman comes into the kitchen and says “She did it again, she shit in the extra bedroom” I am just stunned b/c she is LOCKED IN THE BATHROOM. I couldn’t believe I missed it. As I walked to the extra bedroom, all I could think of was “fucking Houdini shitting cat”. 😉 (DISCLAIMER: I really do love her)

So I walk into the extra bedroom, and I ask Kingman- where did she do it? He said over by the dresser. He was in the other room as he said this b/c he is allergic to cat shit.  I look and I see Doug- my travel gnome on the dresser. I knew I didn’t put him there, so I started to smile b/c I thought Kingman was just trying to make me laugh at the cat crap situation- then I saw he was sitting on a ring box……and the wheels started churning…..then I saw my ring around Doug’s arm- the one that is waving. I had said “ohhh(as is how cute)…(then I saw the ring)….GASP!!!” I was so excited I grabbed it and looked at it. I didn’t think about it, and I went to put it on my finger- Kingman had come in there (since it wasn’t REALLY cat shit he could be present without his airway closing), and said “WAIT, THAT IS MY JOB!!” Hee hee. Then he got down on his knee and proposed 😉  Side note- he didn’t kneel in cat shit…although that would have MADE this story.

It isn’t your fancy dinner and such, but it was perfect. He did very well. We were meeting my best friend Miss Sweetness and her husband that day for lunch, and the night before (friday) he asked me if I was going to see her again before I flew back to Arizona on Tuesday night. (I worked out there at the time). I said no, and he remembered that. He knew I would want to show her my ring, and I never get to see her- her living out on the outer realms of civilization in Atlanta and all……….then I was all bent outta shape with the cat crap and such….Kingman saw a way to lighten the mood ..hee hee hee……..

Funny huh?

So that is why I have my gnome- Doug in the pictures with the ring. 😉

The ring is perfect- I love it.


So It Begins.

The waiting. The anticipation. The frustration. The tears. The hopefulness. The futile fucking hope.

I have not tested, but I don’t need to. I know. I know my body-unless my uterus is pranking me with the most UNCOOL Halloween joke ever. You know how the Natives would put their ear to ground and hear/feel the hoof beats of upcoming frienemies? I feel Auntie Fucking Flo coming. I feel the slight tremors of pebbles on the ground, the unsettled feeling of ‘just knowing’.  Just  Call me Bumpy “Cries Over Flo” Journey.

I told The King last night that felt my period coming- the low backache like I lifted something wrong. The aching in my thighs, the *TMI* painful poop shooter, the Mt. Vesuvius on my chin, emotional liability. All harbingers of some thing most foul. I cried hysterical cries almost. I don’t think he has ever seen that before. It was to the point were he asked me if we needed to go to the ER. (HAHAHAHA) I had to shut it down least I made him think I was unsuitable to go through this again. I was good, I got it out.

Until this AM. See- every morning he kisses me good-bye. Every day. The TWO times in our life we haven’t he has called and apologized. I love this- it is starting our day out right. We always kiss goodbye and goodnight. We always say I love you. Since the IUI he has been kissing my belly (I had to redirect him after the first few days b/c it was just weird for him to be kissing my small bowel.) The first few days he would text me “How is the morula?” Then How is Blasto?”  then “How is our Embaby?” Also kissing me and our “growing” family.

This morning he only kissed me.

Broke. My. Heart.

Protected: Secret Post- We Thought We Dodged a Bullet…..

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Why Can’t I Come Up With Good Titles?

um, I wrote a long azz post about the two baby showers I did last weekend, and I have no clue where it is. Not in drafts- not on my IRL blog (THANK THE GOOD LORD), it has vanished!

UGH! I am so disgusted I can’t even think straight. I wrote forev-ah on that fricker. I promise I will come back and do it again. I would hate to make you all keep hitting refresh to see if I have posted. LOL! 😛     as if.

Today was a pretty good day…well if you like hot, muggy, rainy, migraine inducing thunderstomy, premenstrual, supposed to be having friends over but they can’t, husband worked until 6pm anyways kind of days 🙂

Obviously my Memorial Day was spent alone. I supposed that is fitting since the reason for it isn’t for BBQs and beer with friends- it is for the troops that have kept us safe and guarantee our right to have BBQs and beer. I said prayers for all my friends on Crapbook that have family in the service, or that have lost someone. I prayed for my cousin who lost her son in Afghanistan (um, I guess that would be my cousin too!)

I  took a nap and dreamed of my Grandfather today. We were not very close- I lived on the other side of the country until I was 13. My father and him were at odds, and his new wife didn’t really care for us (stop me if you have heard this before!) My Grandfather had a special place in his heart for me b/c I look (as I have been told) just like my Granny. Spitting image. I walk like her, talk like her, laugh like her. I think for my Grandfather this was a blessing and a curse. He loved her so very much, but she suffered from early onset dementia around 65- which is so very young. When he was pretty sick and in the hospital about three years before he died- he was confused for a little while. I walked in and he started crying and reaching out for me. He started calling me by my Granny’s name and touching my face. It was heartbreaking b/c he thought I was her. He passed peacefully. He lived at home until the end- he got sick, went to the hospital- and got a lot better.He just needed more skilled care than my step grandmother could give so then was discharged to a nursing home. He died a few hours after he got to the nursing home- he told us the night before he would NOT live in a nursing home after he saw what my Granny went through. I was in college at the time 1.5 hours away. I couldn’t help. If it was now, I would bring him to my house and care for him. He was proud I was going to be a nurse. He told me he wanted me to have 20 letters behind my name. 🙂

Anyways…there is a point to this story. I woke up crying. I don’t know if I have ever cried in my sleep. Talked, yelled, walking, initiated sex…..but never cried.  I started thinking how my husband is going to be cheated. How I am going to be cheated. I won’t see my husband in my grandchild. This darn stertoli cell only diagnosis is robbing us of  this. I am so sorrowful for us and the loss of it. Of our creating a life from the two of us. We WILL create our child with love- he/she will be ours. We WILL love them. We are looking forward to meeting them. I just hate that we will never know what a child created from the two of us would be like. It is so fucking unfair.  There is not even a glimmer of “maybe” or “it only takes one” for us.

There is none.

It feels like I take three steps forward and two steps back. For TWO YEARS. I want to know where I can buy my pole vault and just be done with the stepping.


Okay- enough self-pity. That party of one is getting stale. 🙂

On to funny…..

The Kingman: “Holy Shit is June tomorrow. 2010 is half gone!! Our lives are flashing before our eyes. We are going to die soon!! Our children are going to die soon!!”

Me: “Um, the children have to be born first before they die. Ya know? ”

The Kingman: “That’s how keep them from dying- never give birth to them!!! Great idea”

Me: “Um, yeah….okay..so, ‘lets not have kids b/c we  want to keep them from dying.’?  Suckiest idea ever uttered”

Kingman: “I’m only kidding”

YA THINK!!?!?!?!?!?!?  LOL! It sounds a lot more gruesome now that I type it out, but it really was a funny exchange. 🙂

Next…..I did some cooking today. Not Memorial Cooking. Well, I did throw a hotdog and corn on the cob on the grill- but that isn’t what I am talking about.

I am going to tell the story in pictures.

The Start of Something Beautiful...maybe.

vegetable Stock recipe base of all the soups.

The Soup Cooking…mmmm….

End Result. vegetable Stock.

I know what you are thinking…it looks like pee. Yup. I know. It does. It ALSO doesn’t yield as much as it says it does. I doubled the recipe b/c I am freezing it- and it only made 7 freaking cups.  Seriously- some of those soups call for 5 cups or 6 cups of the Veggie broth. GRRRRRRRR. I underestimated how much I would get.   The reason they are in bags like that is b/c I am freezing them, then taking the bag/plastic off so that they maintain their shape- then using my Food Saver to vacuum pack them. Because, well- the obvious. You can’t stick a liquid in a bag and then try to suck all the air out. LOL! THANK GOD I had the sense not to try that. Plus the manual says not to. 🙂

My plan was to make a shitload of broth to use over the next few months. Try 1 new soup every week. Ugh. Although- I must say, the broth was super easy to make until the straining part. I only had a tiny hand strainer. That SUCKED ASS. Took me about 1/2 hours to do it all. LOL!

Anyways= I suppose I need to go to bed.  I have to give a special shout out to Foxy Popcorn. I think she has spent her Memorial Day reading my entire blog- by the looks of all the comments she has made on year old posts.  THANK YOU! It is touching to see that she has taken the time to read my journey. With some of the comments I have to go back and read the post to refresh my memory- and I realize how far I have come…yet how much is the same.  I see how I am grown, become stronger, and know myself better. I also see how bitter I am getting.

I think we all could use a little flashback into our own lives- I challenge you guys to look at your post list from a year ago, two years ago….or more if you have been blogging a long time. How have you changed? If you could go back and talk to yourself then with your experience now- what would you say to yourself?

Two years ago I wasn’t blogging- but I know what I was doing. I was about to head to Jamaica for our 1 year anniversary/delayed Honeymoon. I was off the pill for 6 months or so. I thought I was surely going to defy all odds and get pregnant. With anejactulation. WTF? I would tell myself to enjoy my vacation. Don’t POAS while you are there.

I would say- demand your OB/GYN listen to you. Go ahead and START BLOGGING!!! It will heal you, and protect you in ways you can’t imagine.

Thank you girls (and boys!) for all your support and love.

Opening Up. Trying The Unknown.

Wow. Let me first off just say- WOW.  I don’t know if it is the roxycodone, the being waiting on hand and foot, a side effect of the anthesthia- but The Kingman is…different.

Perhaps it is the loss of something he didn’t know he really wanted (biological children), or that on of his worst fears is realized and I am still by his side. Maybe a combination of all the above. All I know is that I am falling more in love with him, and I am thankful for that.   I have read of couples developing chasms after an azoospermia diagnosis, and of withdrawal/anger/etc.  I can tell that I have people praying for us, and sending us good thoughts. I will never EVER take that for granted. I saw a prayer with each blog post I read, and I can feel that at least SOMEONE is doing that for us.

We are Post Op Day 4 (REALLY? WTF have I been?), and The Kingman is doing good! He didn’t really have any swelling- which is good b/c he was terrified of having two grapefruits between his legs. 🙂  The is some bruising actually around the base of his penis, but no swelling or hematoma. His incision looks great (although awfully long- maybe 1.5 inches), and is healing nicely. He goes back to work tomorrow, but I think he could have used one more day off of work. He tried to go today without taking any of the oxycodone, but he only made it until about 11am. Although, it must be stated that he stood at our kitchen counter for about 35-40 minutes doing work from home on his computer immediately prior to the pain.

He actually sat down on the couch and said “Honey, I feel really pre-syncopal”  HA HA. Leave it to a medical professional to say that! Most people would say “I feel like I am going to pass out” or “I feel lightheaded”….no my husband busts out the “pre-sycopal”. As his pale face turned towards me, and his hand reached out…..I couldn’t help but laugh. “Pre-syncopal?” “Really?”

I got him a dose of the oxycodone and he was good after that. I put a call into the Nurse Practitioner at the UroGods office to make sure he could take NSAIDs (he could) and to ask about the stitches. We were led to believe that the wound was closed with glue- but I see some prrreeeetttty big as stitches. Turns out they are dissolvable- but they take around 2-3 weeks to dissolve.  The NP said (I shit you not) “If they (the stitches) get prickly on his prick…uh, I mean, uh, um…*ahem*  Hecanjustcoveritwithanonstickgauze.  I am so sorry for that, I didn’t mean…”

HA HA HA. I just laughed, and reassured him that was fine- I have a good sense of humor. 🙂   Anyhoo- they wrote him for some Tramadol to take at work, but I doubt he will take it. He doesn’t like to take anything when he is working. Tomorrow he has a full day of patients, and he is on call. He figures he is going to stay in his office, and have the nurses bring him the patients to his office. LOL! He will do fine if he doesn’t have to stand or walk for extended periods of time.  Wish him luck!!!

He has done a 180 in this IF ‘thing’. He is now so in tune with all that I have been going through and feeling the last  2 years.  He has been so open and honest with me- it is wonderful. Perhaps it is b/c he has now been told he can’t *have* his own child. Biologically that is, and that has made him realize that he does want it very badly. He is amazed I am still by his side (um, okay- I don’t know what vows he repeated, but mine said “for better or worse, sickness and health….I meant it too!!!), and he sees that having a family will complete us.

I am floored by all this. He has been so affectionate it is almost overwhelming b/c he had lost that part of him the last 1.5 years. It is wonderful. In some strange way this is bringing us closer to each other- has anyone else felt this way before? Are we crazy?

He has been opening talking about our IF with people. This past Friday our friends (that we stayed with after the surgery) had a couple over for his b’day. They were a super sweet couple, and I really liked them. It was obvious that The Kingman had surgery. He was walking around with an icepack on his ‘nads for goodness sake. What shocked me was that he was so open about our infertility struggle with the guy when they were all out on the porch.  The girls were inside, and the new friend asked if I was trying to have get pregnant b/c of a vague comment I made to Mrs. Camper (who is preggo, and has her shower next weekend)…..I should have realized she was an IFer then and there b/c it takes one to spot one a mile away. You girls (and guys) know what I mean. I replied with my usual blasé, noncommittal response that is so scripted I think all my close friends could recite it too.

Then about 5 minutes later my husband went to the bathroom and I followed to see if I could help (yeah, I was helping him- gotta make sure the giblets heal properly!!)…and he said “I told Mr.NewFriend about my surgery, our infertility, and how were are going to have to do IVF. Turns out they are having problems too. Did you tell Mrs.NewFriend?..you should talk to her, and tell her  about  *our* blog friends.”       um…WHAT?!?!??!  Mr. Privacy himself?!?  I was floored.  So a little bit later I brought it up to Mrs. NewFriend, and turns out she has a known problem, and they going to be gettting treatment soon. Woah. See what I mean?

It takes one to know one.


Anyways…that is the opening up part of my title. My Husband is okay with talking about our IF…maybe not perhaps the Azoo/DI part of our journey- but the vague “we are infertile and getting help” part- he is okay with.


He is also all into this blog now. I am timid to share b/c it has been such a private place for me- my outlet, my refuge…those that have been following awhile understand. Those that are new- I moved over to WordPress from Blogger b/c I also keep a ‘IRL’ Blog that my family and friends follow. I was scared I would post on the wrong blog, or comment under the wrong profile. I lived in fear- especially b/c my venting on my blog could probably hurt some feelings. I moved over to WordPress b/c I can keep the blog mostly open, but still password protect the posts that might offend or hurt someone who knows me IRL.  Those in the know also know that I keep the same password for them all. The Secret word never changes. If you are new and want the password- I just request that you have a blog. I want to verify who you are. I am leery of new blogs and email only requests- please understand why.   I do have to say though- most of the time those password protected ones are pretty good.

I also PWP posts that have pictures of me or other identifying features. 🙂 I have been trying to protect my husband b/c of the line of work he is in.

Okay- so  for trying the Unknown.

My husband is a creature of habit. He we ate pizza, hummus, buffalo wings, sushi, or Burritos every night for the rest of our natural lives- he would be fine with that. If the only movies we could ever watch were Pulp Fiction, Inglorious Basterds, Kill Bill..and a few others..he would be delighted. He likes what he likes, and he sees NO reason to try anything new. Why? If you already KNOW you like the burrito, why order the chimmichanga? He always gets the #1 meal at Arby’s, Wendy’s and McDonalds. The plus side is that he is so easy to pick food up for. The downside is that he doesn’t like new things. That requires him to be out of his comfort zone, and that is not good.

SO- this whole azoo thing initially through him for a loop. We did cry- not as much as I thought we would though.  I think what got him through is the fact that I was so prepared for it. I wasn’t blindsided like he was. I didn’t have a Pollyanna attitude about it. I also knew that isn’t the end of our journey. It isn’t a death sentence. I know so many couples that are so happy and complete with their child conceived with donor sperm. I have seen the pictures  and read the blogs for over a year now.

For him it was all new. He didn’t know the stories. He hadn’t been thru the pain and heartache reading blogs of people going through the same thing, and he hasn’t seem them come out the other side.

I KNOW it will all be okay- and I think that really helped him cope. That helped him get through this more intact and less bruised.

I have you girls (and guys) to thank for that. He now realizes all those times I was clickity clacking on the computer blogging, commenting, clicking links, and tearing up were part of my healing process. You all helped me to fortify my mind before the big blow- I was able to be a strong woman for my husband from what I have learned for you all. Your comments, your love, your hope…and also following through all your struggles.

He “gets” blogging now. He gets the uniqueness of the IF community. He is appreciative.

Okay- so why is all THIS making me sob like a baby?!?! Geez I am a dork.

He is on board with the Donor Sperm(DS). Wow.  He wants to seek counseling. WOW.

On our way home yesterday we stopped at the Cracker Barrel for dinner. Of course we were sat right by a table with two small children- the youngest being a baby of around 7-8 months. Normally he would not have even noticed the kids. Unless they started screaming.  He was the one facing them, and they were behind me. He just stared, and smiled. He said “I can do that. I want to do that. I want that life. We are going to have a baby- we are doing Donor Sperm”.

Are you sick of all the sap and gooey crap yet? LOL!

Just wait…when it gets closer to the end of the week, I will be a babbling mess again. Hell, who knows…maybe I will even blunk for you. 🙂

PS- my sweet husband FINALLY realized the torture I go through with The Campers being pregnant. The happiness for them juxtaposed with grief for ourselves. He realized how hard this coming weekend is going to be. He realized we would have already had a baby, long ago, if we would have been quicker with his diagnosis.  it is so sweet for him to realize it.

I wouldn’t change a thing though- b/c he wasn’t ready until now. I need him to be 100% to terms with it all before we move forward. I think he almost is. We still have some stuff to work through, but we will get there.

Hopefully my body will live up to the challenge and not let us down.

OH- you are all awesome if you made it this far!!

my email is babymakingjourney at gmail dot com        The name is from my blogger blog. I couldn’t use it on wordpress b/c it was already taken…but think Bumpy Journey is so much more appropriate.

Night all!!!

The Verdict Is In.

The UroGod didn’t call yesterday with the results of the testicular biopsy. We understand, The King being a doc and all. We know how busy it can be on a Friday.

So we didn’t keep our phones nearby today- what doctor calls on Saturday?!?!  At 1030 The King noticed a missed call, and realized it was the UroGod calling with the biopsy results. OMGOMGOMG.

Results: Biopsy showed sertoli cells only- no germ cells. The UroGod said we won’t ever know if this is a part of the Prune Belly, secondary infertility, or because of the fact that his testicles were descended at age 6. (that was the recommendation in the late 70s, now they recommend by age 3)

He painted a grim picture about any chance of The King biologically fathering a child. He didn’t think any medicines would help with sperm production. Sigh.

We knew this was probably the case, but it sucks when you hear it so definite. Blah.

The King’s reaction at first was “I am not giving up, this isn’t going to beat me. We will go where ever and get a second opinion”

He remembered me talking about CCRM and ACRM and said we could go there, etc. He said “I will do this as many times as I need to, if they might have a chance to find one sperm”  Sigh.

Later today it hit him again- and he broke down a little. We held each other tight and mourned our loss. He realized now how much he wants this. He wants to have a child and help him/her to do homework- watch movies, go to the beach, etc. He wants to help teach them math, and science stuff (um, he is the smart one in our relationship!!)”  He told me “I am just scared that if we do donor sperm my child will reject me and hate me later”  I didn’t know what to tell him b/c I have had the same fears and questions. How/when do you tell your child he/she is from donor sperm? We do not believe in keeping secret- especially about something like that. For medical reasons (health history), and b/c we believe in up front honesty. I have had things kept from me, and it hurts. We just don’t know how to go about it….

So I did a little googling and found This article– woah.  My heart just stopped when I read that. I do think that is a special case b/c there was NO father in this girl’s life at all. I think she resented that, and had issues with her mother struggling to provide. Does that make it different? I don’t know. I just don’t know.

What is making my stomach drop and my breath to leave my chest is realizing I will not get to see what a baby that is half me, and half him would look like. What characteristics would it(they) get from each of us? My nose? My eyes? His hair? His brains? My humor? I am sad that we won’t know what ‘our’ baby will be like. I KNOW, any baby we have will be ‘ours’…but I mean genetically ‘ours’.

It is like we are mourning our children in a way. The ones that will never be. There will be others, and we will be deliriously happy to have them….but….

That just sounds so harsh when I type it out. Sigh.

Oh, of course the scientist part of my super thinking husband has kicked in. “So if a sperm is just 1/2 of my DNA, why can’t they extract some DNA and melt it with your eggs? Why can’t they use my stem cells to create sperm?”  etc. etc. etc. 🙂

I am ready to get home and wallow in my bed and emerse myself with all my DVR’d shows……and practice my deep breathing, exercise and biophysical feedback to get ready for the showers next week. Gah. I really REALLY REALLLLLLLY am hoping I don’t make a spectical of myself.

Thank you all for your love and support.

The King is now asking me two/three times a day if anyone else has said anything on my blog, and he asked if PCOstory and AzooWho have had their IUI yet, and how they are doing.(husband/wife team that has two separate blogs) 🙂 They are having their IUI, so go over and wish them luck. They have both been wonderfully supportive during all of this for us. My husband is so appreciative that (seemingly) complete strangers care so much. He even said “I can’t imagine how hard it must be for them to go through the two week wait”  awwww….he is even learning IF lingo!!

G’night all. We have a long drive back home tomorrow, and I get to do it all myself b/c SOMEONE is gets to be drugged to the hilt.

Oh, and I just realized that all this time I have been putting my posts in categories, and not tagging them. DUH!!!