Castmembers of My Bumpy Journey:
Kingman(or The King)– my sweet husband
The Queen– ME! 33 year old female. AKA “L” (from my previous blog)
The Royal Family- The King, The Queen, and our children (whenever they make it here- currently figments of my imagination)
Sweet Oat– The baby. Dubbed by my twitter friends b/c my husband said I smelled like Oats after I became pregnant.
The Troops–the sperm on a mission. They just are being held prisoner and need some fucking HELP!!!! **May13,2010 No Sperm at all*
POW/MIA Troopers- What I refer to my husband’s sperm as. I consider them prisoners of war……they are MISSING IN ACTION!!!!! They were thought to be trapped in the Barracks, but it turns out they never showed up for boot camp. The Fuckers)**May13,2010 No Sperm at all*
The Barracks– Civilian term is “testicles and scrotum.” This is where the POW/MIA troopers were thought to be- there are actually none)
Azoospermia– No sperm production. AKA sterile. AKA Sucks ass.
Seminal Vesicles/Vas Defrens– The Troops mortal enemy. These road to safety have been obliterated by a form of torture. Road impassable for troops. Random strangers seem to think ‘you never know- it only takes one’. I am tempted to ask if one sperm has TNT and depth charge to get to the urethra….but that might be considered RUDE ON MYPART. (moot point- there are NONE!)
Sh.ut.erbug Doug– My little plastic man that goes with me on travels to see the world. 🙂 He is only about 2.5 inches tall, but I try to make him look taller in pictures. This is what happens when you cross over in the IF Land to CRAZY. You take pictures of little plastic gnomes.
IF Gnomette– Currently unnamed girl gnome that has fallen in love with Doug.
Dr. Drywit-RE #1 We liked him okay, but went with a university setting b/c of Kingman’s surgery. (IVF rates also super high and he has very low birth rates 21% pregnancy rate, 30% live birth rate)
Dr. 5000- RE #2 Used to work (not intern or residency…but real work) in Boston at an east coast IF center mecca. He has done “at last count- around 5000…and that was back in 2006 Wow.(46% pregnancy rate and 52% live birth rate!!!!)
Dr. Jumpable– local urologist#1 that can’t do sperm retrieval. He is also my urologist. He is totally hot and I blush every time I see him b/c he has had to test my sphincter tones.
UroGod– Uber urologist that is going to do a testicular biopsy and sperm aspiration on Kingman to rescue the troops on 5-13-2010(NONE!!!)
BigAssUniversity (BAU)- Home to Dr. 5000 and the UroGod. It is 4 hours from where we live-but is a great place for IVF.
The Campers– A couple that are our close friends-MrC was a groomsman for Kingman. Married two months before us- they know of our IF journey. We stay with them during our IF appointments at BigAssUniversity. Announced pregnancy 11/09. Had baby Campster 6-24-10
Campster- The Campers little bundle of joy. Born 6-24-10
The Sergent– Sadistic fitness Bootcamp instructor. I developed a ganglion cyst from this bootcamp. Grrrrrrr.
Miss Sweetness- my best friend in the whole wide word- she is now pregnant and due August 19…a little over a week from graduating from CRNA school. I am naming her boy Monkey.
Monkey– My bestest friend’s (Miss Sweetness) baby boy.
ShitBrickHouse-started out as my personal trainer and she became a very close friend. She is currently TTC and has a sister going through IF. She is super understanding and a great support person. *She is now pregnant with a BOY, and due 6-7-2011*
Ms. TeddyBear–super sweet CNP that is in my new ob/gyn office. I stop by and say hello tosometimes so they don’ think I am an urban legend.
Prune Belly– Condition Kingman has. Caused in utero, causing decrease abd. musculature…and other problems. Read about it by clicking ->HERE <-
Rainy– my sweet sweet friend that tried for many years to get pg, and had some issued going on like us….she delivered near Christmas 2009
Operation Spermatozoa Freedom– Microsurgy/TESE. Unsuccesful surgery to find POWs on 5-13-2010. Diagnosis: Azoospermia.