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Icky Sicky and Other Banalities.

Why in the world am i posting at 4am? Well, other than the persistent insomnia that I have been plagued with that is. I am sick. Good old-fashioned sick- clear runny nose, headache, malaise. I am thinking that it is just a cold, but I may go get checked out tomorrow just to make sure it isn’t the flu. I didn’t get the flu shot this year, but I am getting pretty short of breath. I am sitting out on the recliner and I just can’t catch my breath. I have been SOB (short of breath) since pretty much CD 26.

So I am trying to watch TV. There is nothing on. So I am playing with my TV…NO you dirty dirty people, I am not having a liaison with my TV or watching porn- although it is so awesome I may be tempted. This TV rocks my world.  It has all the fancy widgets and internet. I can watch my Netflix, Hulu plus (um, if I had it), check my Facebook, Twitter, play games. It has a tool bar across the bottom when I do the internet TV so I can look at my Flickr photos, youtube, picasa….aaaaahhHH! TILT TILT TILT. The only part that sucks ass is that we have a Harmony remote and not a keyboard type remote. DARN IT!

What else is new with me? Oh, how about the fact that the night of the lunar eclipse my husband peed all over the toilet seat b/c he forgot to put it up. Ugh. Since I get up to pee around every 1.5 hours, I got a ruuuuude awakening when I sat down. Needless to say, it woke me up! Wet toilet seats are so gross. Of course I had wash my hienie…and couldn’t get back to sleep. That was like around 330 or 4am. THAT was a long ass day. My stomach was tore up(not related to wet toilet seat),  and the slow down of the GI tract is definitely kicking in.

DirecTv was coming to upgrade our service for our new snazzy TV, and he called to say he would be earlier than he thought….like 1030. So, as I fell asleep and woke up at 10am or so…..quick shower, and I realized I didnt’ have time to GO. You know- Numero Dos. I waited, and waited and waited. Got in touch with the customer support person-can’t get in touch with the tech. I was about to die. I figured Murphys Law would kick in and he would show up when I sat down to GO and would be at the point of no return. No such luck….but he did finally show up at 330pm. Awesome huh? Wasted day.

On the plus side, our TV ROCKS…oh, I already said that right?

um…what else is new. OH- I got a Secret Santa present from my match at Braces Bunch. I was going to wait until Christmas to open it, but I couldn’t wait any longer! I can’t link her blog b/c it is private, but lets just say it is one of the best presents I have ever ever gotten. I put the picture of our last US in it from Monday. I will post a picture in the Sweet Oat page above if you want to see it. I have the US pictures posted there, so just be aware. If you are wary of the black and whites, I will take a picture later of just the frame and update this post. The picture is in the bedroom right now, and I can’t get it.

My brother came down Wednesday to drop off the hub’s present. My family is big on opening our presents on Christmas or a day or two after. We don’t open stuff early…so this was a huge box, so he had to bring it down for us since we won’t be back up there for another month or so.  I had a good short visit with him. Went to a local Irish restaurant/pub. He had to pee really really bad, and ended up going into the women’s restroom. LOL! Oh my- I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. He said he first realized something was wrong when he was peeing in a stall (which he thought was odd, and said he though “Hell- us Irish are too drunk to be modest- what is up with the individual stalls?) . He said he looked down and there was  metal box on the wall, and thought “Hmm…wonder what that is *open* OOOOHHHH NOOOO”  HA HA. So freaking funny. Had to wait until a lady finished peeing, and another finished changing a diaper before he could sneak out. To his defense they have the signs on the doors made up so you get confused. The Men’s has a wooden sign in the shape of a pointing had to the left saying Women.(meaning the women’s is other door), and the Women’s is vice versa. HA HA. To go to the bathroom at McGuire’s is to be away that you might get walked in on by the opposite sex.  We tested out the 3D movie Monsters V Aliens. Awesome.

Anyways, other than all this banality I am doing good. I am super excited for my Twitter friend @infertileturtle. She got a BFP on HPT and Beta! WOO HOOO!!! I can’t link her blog b/c IRL people read it and she doesn’t want them to know yet. I already screwed that one up…thank goodness she caught it and deleted it. DUH!

Morning all!!!

C is for…..

Cancer.

I hate cancer. Even the word sounds ugly. I lost my Aunt this year to uterine cancer. She was the matriarch of our family- like my grandmother more than an Aunt really. I just found out her daughter (my cousin, yet she is in her mid 40s) has liver cancer. I am so extremely sad. I love my cousin, and in so many ways she was like my sister (she is near my sisters age actually)

It is so fucking unfair. I just don’t really feel like blogging anymore right now.

Why Can’t I Come Up With Good Titles?

um, I wrote a long azz post about the two baby showers I did last weekend, and I have no clue where it is. Not in drafts- not on my IRL blog (THANK THE GOOD LORD), it has vanished!

UGH! I am so disgusted I can’t even think straight. I wrote forev-ah on that fricker. I promise I will come back and do it again. I would hate to make you all keep hitting refresh to see if I have posted. LOL! 😛     as if.

Today was a pretty good day…well if you like hot, muggy, rainy, migraine inducing thunderstomy, premenstrual, supposed to be having friends over but they can’t, husband worked until 6pm anyways kind of days 🙂

Obviously my Memorial Day was spent alone. I supposed that is fitting since the reason for it isn’t for BBQs and beer with friends- it is for the troops that have kept us safe and guarantee our right to have BBQs and beer. I said prayers for all my friends on Crapbook that have family in the service, or that have lost someone. I prayed for my cousin who lost her son in Afghanistan (um, I guess that would be my cousin too!)

I  took a nap and dreamed of my Grandfather today. We were not very close- I lived on the other side of the country until I was 13. My father and him were at odds, and his new wife didn’t really care for us (stop me if you have heard this before!) My Grandfather had a special place in his heart for me b/c I look (as I have been told) just like my Granny. Spitting image. I walk like her, talk like her, laugh like her. I think for my Grandfather this was a blessing and a curse. He loved her so very much, but she suffered from early onset dementia around 65- which is so very young. When he was pretty sick and in the hospital about three years before he died- he was confused for a little while. I walked in and he started crying and reaching out for me. He started calling me by my Granny’s name and touching my face. It was heartbreaking b/c he thought I was her. He passed peacefully. He lived at home until the end- he got sick, went to the hospital- and got a lot better.He just needed more skilled care than my step grandmother could give so then was discharged to a nursing home. He died a few hours after he got to the nursing home- he told us the night before he would NOT live in a nursing home after he saw what my Granny went through. I was in college at the time 1.5 hours away. I couldn’t help. If it was now, I would bring him to my house and care for him. He was proud I was going to be a nurse. He told me he wanted me to have 20 letters behind my name. 🙂

Anyways…there is a point to this story. I woke up crying. I don’t know if I have ever cried in my sleep. Talked, yelled, walking, initiated sex…..but never cried.  I started thinking how my husband is going to be cheated. How I am going to be cheated. I won’t see my husband in my grandchild. This darn stertoli cell only diagnosis is robbing us of  this. I am so sorrowful for us and the loss of it. Of our creating a life from the two of us. We WILL create our child with love- he/she will be ours. We WILL love them. We are looking forward to meeting them. I just hate that we will never know what a child created from the two of us would be like. It is so fucking unfair.  There is not even a glimmer of “maybe” or “it only takes one” for us.

There is none.

It feels like I take three steps forward and two steps back. For TWO YEARS. I want to know where I can buy my pole vault and just be done with the stepping.

Sigh.

Okay- enough self-pity. That party of one is getting stale. 🙂

On to funny…..

The Kingman: “Holy Shit is June tomorrow. 2010 is half gone!! Our lives are flashing before our eyes. We are going to die soon!! Our children are going to die soon!!”

Me: “Um, the children have to be born first before they die. Ya know? ”

The Kingman: “That’s how keep them from dying- never give birth to them!!! Great idea”

Me: “Um, yeah….okay..so, ‘lets not have kids b/c we  want to keep them from dying.’?  Suckiest idea ever uttered”

Kingman: “I’m only kidding”

YA THINK!!?!?!?!?!?!?  LOL! It sounds a lot more gruesome now that I type it out, but it really was a funny exchange. 🙂

Next…..I did some cooking today. Not Memorial Cooking. Well, I did throw a hotdog and corn on the cob on the grill- but that isn’t what I am talking about.

I am going to tell the story in pictures.

The Start of Something Beautiful...maybe.

vegetable Stock recipe base of all the soups.

The Soup Cooking…mmmm….

End Result. vegetable Stock.

I know what you are thinking…it looks like pee. Yup. I know. It does. It ALSO doesn’t yield as much as it says it does. I doubled the recipe b/c I am freezing it- and it only made 7 freaking cups.  Seriously- some of those soups call for 5 cups or 6 cups of the Veggie broth. GRRRRRRRR. I underestimated how much I would get.   The reason they are in bags like that is b/c I am freezing them, then taking the bag/plastic off so that they maintain their shape- then using my Food Saver to vacuum pack them. Because, well- the obvious. You can’t stick a liquid in a bag and then try to suck all the air out. LOL! THANK GOD I had the sense not to try that. Plus the manual says not to. 🙂

My plan was to make a shitload of broth to use over the next few months. Try 1 new soup every week. Ugh. Although- I must say, the broth was super easy to make until the straining part. I only had a tiny hand strainer. That SUCKED ASS. Took me about 1/2 hours to do it all. LOL!

Anyways= I suppose I need to go to bed.  I have to give a special shout out to Foxy Popcorn. I think she has spent her Memorial Day reading my entire blog- by the looks of all the comments she has made on year old posts.  THANK YOU! It is touching to see that she has taken the time to read my journey. With some of the comments I have to go back and read the post to refresh my memory- and I realize how far I have come…yet how much is the same.  I see how I am grown, become stronger, and know myself better. I also see how bitter I am getting.

I think we all could use a little flashback into our own lives- I challenge you guys to look at your post list from a year ago, two years ago….or more if you have been blogging a long time. How have you changed? If you could go back and talk to yourself then with your experience now- what would you say to yourself?

Two years ago I wasn’t blogging- but I know what I was doing. I was about to head to Jamaica for our 1 year anniversary/delayed Honeymoon. I was off the pill for 6 months or so. I thought I was surely going to defy all odds and get pregnant. With anejactulation. WTF? I would tell myself to enjoy my vacation. Don’t POAS while you are there.

I would say- demand your OB/GYN listen to you. Go ahead and START BLOGGING!!! It will heal you, and protect you in ways you can’t imagine.

Thank you girls (and boys!) for all your support and love.