Okay, Kingman and I talked the other night about the upcoming surgery and it was really good! He is a lot more at peace about the whole anesthesia process that is good. So far that has been the main thing he has been worried about. Now he is starting think about IF side of it….the what ifs. What if they don’t find anything? What does it mean if all his labs where normal, but they don’t find anything? What if his surgery for his undescended testicles was performed to late (at age 5)?
First off….He asked me to reach out to my bloggy IF friends to see if there are any guys that could give him a few answers.
He wanted to know if there was any guys that had
- a normal lab work up (FSH/LH/etc.), and then have nothing found on a TESE.
- any guys that had surgery to descend their testicles and be able to have children?
- How do the guys “come to terms” with accepting donor sperm if it is needed. After the decision to do donor sperm was made did the husband immediately feel “okay”?
As you can see from the questions that are asked- we had a really good talk! He brought it all up himself, and he obviously has been thinking about it, and examining his feelings about things. I was pretty shocked actually when it happened- we were just headed down to the beach to eat some wings at Hooters. LOL! Perhaps it was all the T n A all around that got him thinking about freeing his Troopers. HA HA HA!!!
We talked about the legislation that is going on in Arizona- and how it breaks my heart to see that it really might pass. (I will resist that soapbox, but I urge you to CHECK IT OUT HERE)
He also admited that he still is a little fuzzy about exactly what happens in this whole process. LOL. We more specifically talked about what happens after ICSI, and the fertilization. I dont’ think I did a very good job explaining- but I is as clear as swamp water to him now. LOL!!!
He is the type of person that revels in the little details- he has to know exactly how each thing happens. It is such a puzzle- he will not leave it alone until he understands it. He doesn’t have time to learn it right now b/c he is studying for this blasted test- but I am sure once he is done he will delve into it. 🙂
He kept asking me if any of the blogs I read have a guy that has what he has (Prune Belly)- that would be no. Then he wants to know if anyone was obstructive azoo, well, yeah- but he has +CF gene….has not has TESE yet….(oh)…..Then he askes if there are any guys with a normal workup, azoospermia, and then no sperm found on TESE. ?!?!? I am embarrased to say I don’t know! I can’t remember all my guy’s (and girl’s DH’s labwork. HA HA!) Of course then he asked about descended testicles, and I REALLY don’t remember about that. I finally told him about Mel’s LFCA, and that I would put a shout out that I was putting up some questions from him on my blog. (***SHIVER*** he has never seen my blog, even though he knows I have an IF one)
He knows about my IF bloggy community- last year I met MammaSoon (Blossom and Her Fruit)(I MISS YOU GIRL!!!!) when I to ChiTown last year, and he has seen my Sock It To Me socks. This was a new realization of the usefulness, and the resource of it. He realized that there are OTHERS OUT THERE!!! There are other like him- perhaps not JUST like him, but facing the same challenges as him. 🙂 That made him feel not so alone. That made me smile.
Thank you all!!!
At one point he took a big swig of his beer and said “I am getting okay with idea of donor sperm- for you. I am getting there. I just need some more time.”
That was sweet- that he is thinking about it. I just don’t want him to feel like he is ‘doing it for me’ I want it to be for us. He asked me if there are any guys out there in blog land that has babies with DS. I kinda laughed b/c I said that is why so many of us blog- b/c we HAVE issues!!!! I tend to follow the ones that have problems similar to ours, so yeah- there are some donor sperms that I follow. 🙂 He wanted to make sure the guys felt okay with the fact if was a donor- and I said that it was pretty much (as far as I could read), as soon as the decision was made to do the DS there was no looking back. That was their baby.
Could my DS couples help me out with that? Please feel free to leave a long comment on ANY of this or email me. Any Assvice is welcome, any thoughts, feelings, etc are appreciated. 🙂
babymakingjourney at gmail dot com
Thank you all!!!
My Bumpy Journey 
Our RE seemed pretty confident they would find sperm in our situation. My husband has normal hormone workup. I believe they said 95% chance. So confident that they don’t even think we should do a test run. Scary!
Not sure on the donor question. My husband still isn’t open to the idea.
#2. My brother had his undescended testicles fixed at age 10 or 11 and got his gf pregnant.
#3. I don’t know how DH got to be okay with ds. He is only okay with a known donor- his brother, not random. It was a really long process and I’m sure he is not 100% on it yet, but almost there.
I’m glad he’s asking questions!
Hey, I’m here via VaBlondie’s blog 🙂
1. My DH had completely normal workups on all of hormone stuff and after his testicular biopsy the results were that there was absolutely zero sperm.
2. n/a
3. I’m not sure how DH came to terms with using a sperm donor. I think it was more that he (and I) wanted to be a parent so badly…I think it also helped that we have planned on adopting at some point prior to our IF.
Do we wish we could have had a bio child? Yea, but we in no way regret our decision to use donor sperm…if we hadn’t we wouldn’t have our daughter. There is no doubt in my mind that DH loves our daughter….She is his daughter and that is the bottom line 🙂
Email me if you have anymore questions 🙂
Thanks so very much for your honest reply!! It read it aloud to my husband and he liked hearing about how you have a daughter from donor sperm, and your husband’s feeling from it. I tried to click on your blog tho for the hubs to read more about you and I couldn’t figure out where to go? Thank you VERY VERY much- it really helped ease my husband’s mind as far as connected with a nonbiological child.
1: My Dh had normal labs, and after the TESE procedure was diagnosed with maturation arrest. So he made sperm, they just never matured and were thus unusable.
2: N/A
3: My DH just came around to this. *His TESE was back in September. We started researching adoption (domestic and international) and also embryo adoption. We found out REALLY QUICK that there were a lot of hurdles in the way. And when it came down to it, donor sperm was the cheaper option with a more guaranteed result. (Still not 100%, but a lot better than adoption).
He still worries sometimes that he won’t have a connection with the baby if we do get preggo, but those are becoming fewer and fewer. There were/are parts about selecting and using a donor that he still is a little weirded out by, but he is more ok with the idea.
It isn’t the most ideal situation, but you play with the hand you are dealt.
Thank you so very much for you reply to my questions. My husband really appreciated your honesty- and it really helped him to put to words his fears also. He has a hard time vocalizing his fears, and admiting them- hearing other people going through it helps to validate his feelings. THANK YOU for sharing!!! He said that the last line ” It isn’t the most ideal situation, but you play with the hand you are dealt” was the most fitting and what struck a chord with him. ❤ I wish you luck too! I look forward to following your journey!
Also, feel free to contact me directly (azoowho@gmail.com) or have your husband do so if you’d like chat about where our journey (azoo + PCOS to DH) has taken us. I found it helped me greatly a) to know there were others out there and b) engage with these people and compare notes, share experiences. It really helped with setting my expectations and overall comfort level with this crazy hand we’ve been collectively dealt 🙂
Thank you very much! I am really hoping this is it for you and L.
Hopefully after his test Kingman will start reading more blogs.
BTW. You freaking crack.me
Up.
“.Then he askes if there are any guys with a normal workup, azoospermia, and then no sperm found on TESE. ?”
I am indeed “one of those guys”. Unexplained azoospermia (comforting diagnosis!) Completely normal workup, slightly elevated estrogen but not enough to cause any concern, CF gene negative, two SAs with zero count and TESE that found nothing.
Wife and I are on our 4th IUI with DS. I’ve blog (just started again) about our journey quite a bit.
http://azoowho.blogspot.com
I was reading back as I was refreshing for today’s updates, and realized I never responded to your questions… I totally meant to!
1. D didn’t have a normal work-up — his testosterone was low, and they thought he has going through testicular failure or something like that.
2. After our azoo diagnosis, MIL remembered that D had an undescended testicle at birth but that by a year it had descended. RE thought this might have something to do with D’s obstructive azoo.
3. It took D a long time before actually pursuing DS. We started talking about it after diagnosis, but he wanted to feel like he’d done everything he could to have a biological child before moving to DS, hence our next step was IVF/TESA/ICSI. We did DS using KD (his twin bro) so that they’d have a biological tie. We both feel that this is our baby, but I know that D is nervous about the future, specifically about how to disclose to him/her about DS.
Again, I’m so sorry about Kingman’s TESA.